I hate my dog, Rufus.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Rufus, the Blog-Blocking Doggy
Rufus in a typical tug-of-war pose
I hate my dog, Rufus.
Okay, well maybe hate isn't the right word. Better to say he irritates me to no end sometimes.
As many of you already know, I am a huge animal lover and an unabashed believer that my dogs and cats are my "furkids." While I would never do harm to an animal (though the prospect of hunting Sarah Palin from a helicopter holds some interest) I nonetheless get so frustrated with Rufus.
Every time I try to sit down to write on my blog, he sits next to me and whines because he wants attention. Well, at least I think he wants attention. I'd hate to think he's read my blog and has decided to keep me from writing it, like some right-wing canine Glenn Beck. (Scary thought, that.)
If I ignore him, he just starts barking at me. If I ignore his barking, he howls. So I end up stopping and playing tug-of-war with him for about 20 minutes or so. Then I stop to go back to what I was doing and he sits and whines some more. Eventually I give in and just sit with him and rub his belly or play with him until he decides to go play outside, take a nap or when it's time for bed.
Yes, he is a very high maintenance pup.
I play with Rufus all the time, but he just seems to want more attention whenever I sit in front of the computer. And, being an age-challenged kinda guy, whenever I stop what I am doing to play with him some more, I invariably forget whatever it was that I was going to write. I can't tell you how many "Great American novels" have vanished into the literary ether because of this.
I wonder if J.D. Salinger had this problem?
Rufus doesn't realize that there are repercussions if I don't post something every few days. Not only do I feel like I am letting my followers down if I haven't posted for awhile, but If I am not allowed to vent my weird stream of consciousness thoughts here, then I might go totally insane and end up holding a sign at a Tea Party rally.
About the only way I have found to avoid this problem is if I get up in the middle of the night and write. (Rufus likes his beauty sleep.) There are times during the day when I want to write, but I can't because he's just really persistent in an evil, demonic sort of way.
Get off the computer and play with me, dammit!
Rufus has his brother-from-another-mother to play with in my other dog Ringo. But Ringo doesn't share the same passion for tug-of-war that Rufus has. Ringo has a more, shall we say, delicate passion. He likes to nibble on the ears of stuffed animals. I'm not judging by the way. It's a free country and if you want to nibble stuffed animal ears or toes that's your right. (Even if it is a bit weird.)
I used to have a large number of stuffed toy beagles, but many were gradually pilfered by the dogs and became ragged, stuffing-less and mostly ear-less dog toys. I had hoped that "the boys" could keep each other busy playing, but ear nibbling is apparently pretty much a solo effort.
My dog Ringo "Gimme those ears! Nom nom nom nom."
After careful consideration, I think I have come up with some ways to combat this problem and not endanger my dear puppy:
1. I could move my office to the bathroom and just pretend I am taking a shower while I write on a laptop. Of course if he starts hearing typing coming from the bathroom he will figure it out and try to kick down the door.
2. I could take the laptop to a Starbucks, but one out of town so he can't track me down, and try blogging there. Even if he finds me, I don't think he would do anything too terribly sinister to me in public.
3. I could write wearing a Michael Vick jersey and see if that intimidates him. Probably not. He eats guys like Vick for breakfast. Which would explain why I need a snow shovel in the backyard even though it doesn't snow here.
4. I could strap a bunch of stuffed animal ears to Rufus and let Ringo chase him around the house and yard. Of course Ringo naps a lot, so maybe that's not a viable long-term solution.
5. And finally, I am thinking that I could take him to an exclusive doggy spa where he can be pampered and fed rich foods while getting a massage and enjoying an herbal body wrap. Then I could sit in my car and write in my blog to my hearts content.
And maybe later I could try and come up with an excuse for why I can afford to send the dog to a spa and not my wife.
That should pose an interesting challenge.