Monday, February 15, 2010

Rufus, the Blog-Blocking Doggy

Rufus in a typical tug-of-war pose

I hate my dog, Rufus.

Okay, well maybe hate isn't the right word. Better to say he irritates me to no end sometimes.

As many of you already know, I am a huge animal lover and an unabashed believer that my dogs and cats are my "furkids." While I would never do harm to an animal (though the prospect of hunting Sarah Palin from a helicopter holds some interest) I nonetheless get so frustrated with Rufus.

Every time I try to sit down to write on my blog, he sits next to me and whines because he wants attention. Well, at least I think he wants attention. I'd hate to think he's read my blog and has decided to keep me from writing it, like some right-wing canine Glenn Beck. (Scary thought, that.)

If I ignore him, he just starts barking at me. If I ignore his barking, he howls. So I end up stopping and playing tug-of-war with him for about 20 minutes or so. Then I stop to go back to what I was doing and he sits and whines some more. Eventually I give in and just sit with him and rub his belly or play with him until he decides to go play outside, take a nap or when it's time for bed.

Yes, he is a very high maintenance pup.

I play with Rufus all the time, but he just seems to want more attention whenever I sit in front of the computer. And, being an age-challenged kinda guy, whenever I stop what I am doing to play with him some more, I invariably forget whatever it was that I was going to write. I can't tell you how many "Great American novels" have vanished into the literary ether because of this.

I wonder if J.D. Salinger had this problem?

Rufus doesn't realize that there are repercussions if I don't post something every few days. Not only do I feel like I am letting my followers down if I haven't posted for awhile, but If I am not allowed to vent my weird stream of consciousness thoughts here, then I might go totally insane and end up holding a sign at a Tea Party rally.

About the only way I have found to avoid this problem is if I get up in the middle of the night and write. (Rufus likes his beauty sleep.) There are times during the day when I want to write, but I can't because he's just really persistent in an evil, demonic sort of way.

Get off the computer and play with me, dammit!

Rufus has his brother-from-another-mother to play with in my other dog Ringo. But Ringo doesn't share the same passion for tug-of-war that Rufus has. Ringo has a more, shall we say, delicate passion. He likes to nibble on the ears of stuffed animals. I'm not judging by the way. It's a free country and if you want to nibble stuffed animal ears or toes that's your right. (Even if it is a bit weird.)

I used to have a large number of stuffed toy beagles, but many were gradually pilfered by the dogs and became ragged, stuffing-less and mostly ear-less dog toys. I had hoped that "the boys" could keep each other busy playing, but ear nibbling is apparently pretty much a solo effort.

My dog Ringo "Gimme those ears! Nom nom nom nom."

After careful consideration, I think I have come up with some ways to combat this problem and not endanger my dear puppy:

1. I could move my office to the bathroom and just pretend I am taking a shower while I write on a laptop. Of course if he starts hearing typing coming from the bathroom he will figure it out and try to kick down the door.

2. I could take the laptop to a Starbucks, but one out of town so he can't track me down, and try blogging there. Even if he finds me, I don't think he would do anything too terribly sinister to me in public.

3. I could write wearing a Michael Vick jersey and see if that intimidates him. Probably not. He eats guys like Vick for breakfast. Which would explain why I need a snow shovel in the backyard even though it doesn't snow here.

4. I could strap a bunch of stuffed animal ears to Rufus and let Ringo chase him around the house and yard. Of course Ringo naps a lot, so maybe that's not a viable long-term solution.

5. And finally, I am thinking that I could take him to an exclusive doggy spa where he can be pampered and fed rich foods while getting a massage and enjoying an herbal body wrap. Then I could sit in my car and write in my blog to my hearts content.

And maybe later I could try and come up with an excuse for why I can afford to send the dog to a spa and not my wife.

That should pose an interesting challenge.


  1. You need to contact the Dog Whisperer!

  2. OMG, as I read this, my Jack Russell Terrier, Trixie, is sitting next to me WHINING her head off!! Maybe we could get her and Rufus to play tug of war with EACH OTHER so we could both write in peace!

    Good luck on your end!

  3. I would go with either option 3 or 4.

    If those don't work, try Ambien in the Kibble.

  4. Tom, I love this!! You have a wonderful store of anecdotes about these mischievous, lovable and comical creatures....I hope to see more about them. You see, Rufus just wants more stories about him....

    I sure wish I was being interrupted by the friendly baying of a clownisly sad bassett hound.

    Great work Tom...thanks for the smiles and great memories....

  5. HAHA. Loved it. Well, my dog sits next to me and laughs when I blog. Seriously. At times that sounds like a cough or a low frequency woof, but positively at times its a laugh!

  6. Don't let Rufus near your laptop anymore. He's obviously been following Simon's Cat. And man, that's bad!

  7. LMAO!! Write while wearing a Michael Vick Jersey! LOL!

  8. So, I must have Rufus' cousin living in my house because I have a 70 pound Husky/Wolf dog that does the exact same thing to me, and only me. I am not allowed to sit down on the couch (his favorite spot is mine also, we fight over it, and he usually wins) and do anything without him demanding my attention, and most of all, he hates me writing on the computer. I have tried everything to bribe him into leaving me alone, so far, no luck whatsoever.

  9. LOL, yes my dog is the same way. Yours are very cute though! Love the demonic picture. And if you go on that hunting trip please don't forget to invite me. ;-)

  10. My kids demand that kind of attention. Could I use doggy day care?

  11. This is hilarious. I can picture poor Rufus

  12. That sounds like my cat. If he's not whining, he's farting.

    **waving arms**


  13. My dog does the same things. His second favourite is shmooshing himself between the computer and me, which is tricky. Favoutite is laying across the keyboard and looking up at me. Gloating. Staring. Just because the blog is named for him, he thinks it's all him.

    The stepdog just cuddles and farts.

  14. Wow, what a great bunch of comments you guys! A very special thanks to the new people that have come by and visited and the many that have decided to follow my blog. Welcome!

    @ Eva - I would LOVE to have Cesar Milan come by and straighten out my two boys! But I'm afraid even he would have his hands full!

    @ Anything Fits A Naked Man - LOL! I would love for Rufus to have a tug of war buddy! If you find out a way to keep Trixie occupied, please let me know and I will do the same!

    @ Ed Adams - Ed I really like your Ambien idea! I never thought about doping the dog with sleeping pills, but desperate times call for desperate measures!

    @ TomS - I'm glad you liked the post Tom! I would have rather written about some behavior of his that was good, like him dragging a family of six out of a burning house for instance (not easy for a 13lb dog), but oh well! Maybe someday!

    @ Mr. Stupid - Your dog laughs while you blog? How fantastic! I would love to see that! You must be one funny guy! Thanks for stopping by!

    @ RA - LOL! I think you may be right about that! If he's following Simon's Cat, I may have to invest in a panic room!

    @ Otin - I'm glad you enjoyed the post! And may I say I really love your stories! What a great imagination you have! I look forward to many more!

    @ Tracy - I feel your pain, girl! I'd say lets get the two dogs together for a tug of war, but I doubt he'd be much of a match for yours!

    @ Athena - Sounds like there's a canine conspiracy afoot (apaw?) to keep us from blogging! Also, I will keep you posted on that hunting trip. Should be fun!

    @ Shell - I know that kids can be demanding too, but that's what Benadryl is for, right? LOL! Oh btw I just picked up "Just Dance" and tried it out. Very cool! When I get good enough I'm gonna challenge you!

    @ VKT - He is awfully funny when he howls, for sure! Thank you for visiting and I'm glad you liked the post. I hope to see you again!

    @ ReformingGeek - Oh wow, it's a problem in the cat world too, is it? If the farts are anything as bad as dog farts then I would stick with the whining! Pee-yoo!

    @ Brahm - LOL! Dude, I didn't know this was so common! We need to get together and form a support network or something! The People's Anti-Blogging Dog Network, maybe? Stop by anytime!

  15. Dogs are patient up to a point, then they get even for our inattention.


  16. I can relate to an extent. My cat is similar, yet different. ;) Instead of wanting to play, he just lies on my arm (like he is right now) as I'm trying to type, not making it very easy to type, but he doesn't care as he is the King of the Universe and I am but one of his minions.


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