Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Mom's Meatless Thanksgiving - A Saturday Centus

Jenny Matlock

Happy Thanksgiving!

Yes, it’s time to loosen those belts once again and bravely and unashamedly go for that second piece of pumpkin pie. For week 81 of Saturday Centus our gracious hostess, Ms. Jenny Matlock of her blog, off on my tangent, has given us a Thanksgiving-themed prompt from which to base our stories and poems.

This week’s prompt is “We gather together to ask the Lord’s blessing.” All you need to do is write these eight words plus another 100 of your own words and post your contribution to Jenny’s meme post so we can all share in your festive take on the prompt. 

Here is my story for this week. I have entitled it:

Mom’s Meatless Thanksgiving

“Mom, don’t embarrass me. Lissa worked really hard on Thanksgiving dinner. I don’t want you to spoil it for her.”

“But where is the turkey, sausage stuffing, and giblet gravy?”

“You know she’s a vegetarian, Mom.” 

“Yuck! Are we eating that brown goop and that green slime? “

"Behave yourself! There’s Tofurkey, creamed spinach, pesto with kelp noodles, baked celery, Brussels sprouts, organic hemp milk, and whole wheat dinner rolls.”

“Can we go? Suddenly I’m not hungry.”

“Shhh! David is saying grace.”

We gather together to ask the Lord’s blessing for these gifts we are about to receive.”

“Um..not me!”


"Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, 'How long has Mom been drinking like this?' My Mom, after six Bloody Marys looks at the turkey and goes, Here, kitty, kitty."

- David Letterman

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Agony Of A Soccer Mom, Part Two


Jenny Matlock

It’s week #80 of Saturday Centus, that fun short story writing meme hosted by Ms. Jenny Matlock over yonder at her blog, off on my tangent.  Each week our Ms. Jenny gives us a prompt and sets our imaginations loose to create stories and poems of 100-words or less.  Now and then she throws us a curve ball and gives us a photo prompt or a different word count or some such twist. 

Last week’s photo prompt was, well…twisted.  We were to write a 100-word story based upon the perspective of someone at the window of a home in the background of the photo showing a soccer team of red-haired children in the foreground.  What could be weird about that, right?  LOL!

Why do I mention this?  Well, because our beloved Jenny has decided to keep the twistiness going this week as well by keeping the same picture and having us write a continuation of last week’s story shifting the perspective from the person at the window to the perspective of one of the children (circled in pink) pictured in the photo. Click here to link to my story from last week. 

Here is my continuation story for this week’s Saturday Centus.  I have given it the clever and original moniker of:

Agony of a Soccer Mom, Part Two

“Look!  It’s Brittany’s crazy mom!”

“Ugh! “

(thinks to herself)

Yes, I see you mom.  Everyone does.

You are embarrassing me again!

Whenever I’m involved with something you ruin it for me - like attacking my ballet instructor for not casting me as lead in “Serenade.”

One year you made harassing phone calls to the director for casting someone else to play Princess Winnifred in “Once Upon A Mattress.”

I’m not the most talented, most beautiful, most athletic, most perfect person!

I’m just Brittany, and I’m fine with that.

If only you could be too.

Jenny Matlock

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world
more embarrassing than a parent.

-  Dave Barry


Saturday, November 5, 2011

Agony Of A Soccer Mom - A Saturday Centus


Jenny Matlock

By now everyone is familiar with Saturday Centus, that 100-word story-writing meme that has everybody talking, right?  Well, we can thank Jenny Matlock, that idol of millions and principal inventor of the blogosphere, for creating this wonderful literary challenge for us each week at her blog off on my tangent.  It is week #79 of this fun meme and time for me to take another shot at micro-fiction writing!  

This week our "Divine Miss M" has given us a photo prompt from which to base our stories or poems.  In the photo are some kids playing soccer and off to the left is seen a house with a window.  Our assignment this week is to write from the perspective of someone at this window.  So my goal is to shoot for scoring a net 100 word story with no penalties by using foul language or going out of bounds with my word count.  You should try it too.  It will be a kick!

Here is the photo.  My 100-word contribution follows below.  I have entitled it:

Agony Of A Soccer Mom

“Wow, what an exciting game! 

Go Duncan, go!  Way to pass that ball! 

C’mon Kenna!  Don’t let them score again! 

Let’s go team!  Let’s show these guys what Matlock’s Hardware Hooligans are made of! 

Hey other team…you guys are losers!  Go cry to your mama, #4!  You stink!

Hey coach, how about giving my daughter Brittany a little more playing time?  Coach???

Hey coach!!!!

I forgot, he can’t hear me from my window.

Damn, I wish they’d let me back on the field again.  My team needs me. 

This restraining order blows.”

Jenny Matlock

"Hell hath no fury like a losing soccer mom." 
                                                                                                - Unknown

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Enter Darkness, A Saturday Centus

Jenny Matlock

It is Saturday Centus time again, the 78th week to be precise, and I am once again woefully behind in my blog posting duties. Fortunately I have time enough to squeeze in a tiny story or two before time runs out for this week’s dark-themed meme scheme. 


Yes, you heard correctly. Our wonderful hostess Jenny Matlock from her blog, off on my tangent, has given us a visual prompt from which to base our stories and poems. It’s a black rectangle. That’s it. Sort of Halloweeny-ish you might say. Oh, and we have 25 whole words to accomplish the task too. 

The usual rules apply, especially no splitting the prompt. Additionally, and I can’t stress this enough for some of you, that typing your post with your feet while playing the Ukulele wearing only a bowler hat is not permitted. That would just be too weird, even for a Centusian.

Insofar as we are dealing with only 25 word stories here, I have a couple of story ideas I wanted to drop on you this week. So if you will indulge me, here are my contributions for this week’s Saturday Centus:



Trapped in another stygian nightmare.

Gloomy realm of the terrifying shadow-people.

The floor creaks.

They come for me.

Where is my night light?


Despicable Me

The candidate’s day was done.

No more speeches, interviews or promises.

Lifting a glass of wine, he smiled

at the dark reflection of his soul.

Jenny Matlock

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness. 
                                                                           - Martin Luther King, Jr.

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