Monday, August 29, 2011

A Rude Awakening, A Saturday Centus


Jenny Matlock

I’m back again (albeit a bit late) for week 69 of Saturday Centus, a terrific writing meme hosted by Jenny Matlock at her blog, off on my tangent.  It’s my 68th attempt at this marvelous, madcap monument to micro-fiction and it is still as fun and challenging now as ever! 

This week Ms. Jenny has served up an interesting prompt to incorporate into our stories.  The prompt is “Surprise!  I’m pregnant!”  She is always keeping us on our toes with these prompts of hers.  I can hardly wait to see what she will come up with to confound and perplex us next week!

This week we have a total of 100 words plus the three prompt words to craft something fun or interesting to share with our fellow Centusians and bloggy buddies.   

In addition to keeping the word count at or below 103, the rules are that we can’t use vulgarity (not even Spanish vulgarity…I checked) and  we can’t split or alter the prompt in any way.  We can, however, use a picture this week, so I'm loving that!

Without further ado, here is my take on this week’s prompt.  I have entitled it: 

A Rude Awakening

The text from my girlfriend said “Come home soon…big surprise!” 

Unbeknownst to her I was already on the way…with a surprise of my own.

During a huge presentation I suddenly sneeze-farted…three times.  This unleashed laughter and pandemonium.  The Japanese executives were not amused and pulled their advertising account.

I was fired on the spot. 

Nadya smiled as I drove up.   Over the shrieks of several small children I heard her exclaim, “Surprise!  I’m pregnant!  It’s octuplets!”

That’s when I woke up screaming.  It had all been a nightmare.  The Octomom wasn’t really my girlfriend after all.

Jenny Matlock

Denny's is offering a breakfast special in honor of the "Octomom," Nadya Suleman.  It's eight eggs, no sausage, and the guy in the next booth has to pay for it.


Saturday, August 20, 2011

A Soldier's Letter Home, A Saturday Centus


Jenny Matlock

Hey Centusians and wannabe Centusians, it's Saturday and that means another Saturday Centus!  Yay!

(Sing along!)  

Who's the leader of the meme that's made for you and me, 

J -E-N,   N-Y-M   A-T-L-O-C...and a K!  

(Yeah, I know, that bites...I'll work on it)

Welcome to another rootin-tootin literary love-fest of writers and readers and people who just like to look at the pictures and drool on the keyboard.  

(Ooooh!  Look at the pretty colors!)

This is week 68 of this fun and challenging writing meme hosted by Jenny Matlock at her blog, off on my tangent.  Every Saturday you are invited to stop by Jenny's blog and submit your own story using her supplied prompt.
The rules are that you have to keep it to the specified word count, no pictures, no dirty words and no splitting the prompt. So why not play along?  You have a whole week to link up!

This week our Ms. Jenny is feeling quite generous and is allowing us a whole 150 words plus the prompt for our stories. Usually our word count is 100, but lately they have been 50 or fewer, so this is definitely exciting for us Centusians.  In fact you could say we are "Centusiastic" about this weeks word count!


Well, anyway, this week Jenny has given us a prompt that is sure to inspire some interesting stories, maybe even some funny ones, though I kind of doubt it.  This week's prompt is "If I die young."  I am more than a bit curious about how the other Centusians are going to spin this one this week!  

Click on the button and read all the other submissions this week.  They are a quick read and probably not as depressing as my entry this week which I have entitled: 

                                             A Soldier's Letter Home


This world is a violent place. Whether one is a soldier or a child in the suburbs, there will always be those who wish us harm. Every day can be a last day

My good friend Bill was killed today when his convoy was struck by an IED. He was 25. He left behind a wife and baby daughter.

I tell you this not to scare you, but to share with you my wishes for you and our son Tommy should the worst happen.

If I die young, carry my memory as you would a song in your heart; a love song that reaches through the clouds to touch your soul.

Pass on my hopes and dreams to our son that he may claim them for his own if he wishes.

Finally, never forget how loved you both are and how blessed I am to have such an amazing family.

Love Always,


Jenny Matlock

If ignorance is bliss...then why aren't the Tea Partiers and right-wing extremists happy?


Sunday, August 14, 2011

Adventures in Chat Speak, A Saturday Centus


Jenny Matlock

I’m back again to try my hand at a little fiction, and I mean little!  This is week 67 of Saturday Centus, that fun literary meme that all the intelligent, non-whack job  Republican Presidential candidates are raving about.

(Uh…and that would be who???)

Whoops, sorry….they are just raving.  Never mind.

Anyway, thanks to the delightful Ms. Jenny Matlock of her blog “off on my tangent,” our host for this excursion into micro fiction, we are challenged to come up with a story or poem or song or rap or whatever based upon a supplied prompt, but are only able to use a maximum of 50 words this week plus the prompt.

This week the prompt Ms. Jenny has given us to incorporate into our stories is “laugh out loud.”  And I have no doubt that many of the entries linked to her meme post will make you do just that!  Here is my contribution to this week’s silliness.  I have entitled it:

Adventures in Chat Speak

“Thank you for introducing me to Facebook, Tom,” she said.

“Well just don’t get addicted to it,” I warned.

“LOL!  Don’t worry I won’t.”

“Mom, did you just say ‘LOL,’ as in ‘laugh out loud’?  You’re not supposed to say it, just type it."

“OMG.  I’m sorry!”


Jenny Matlock

People took LSD to make the world weird...
now they take Prozac to make it normal.


Friday, August 12, 2011

Beach Blanket Melanoma, A Saturday Centus


Jenny Matlock

This post is for Week 66 of Saturday Centus...yes, that's right, last Saturday's Centus.  I'm a bit slow.

Part of the problem though was that Jenny Matlock from her blog "off on my tangent," the hostess and leader of this ragtag bunch of literary rebels, the Centusians, gave us another sun-inspired prompt this week.  The week before was a picture of an egg frying on a sidewalk.

(Obsess much?)

Anyway, being from California, when I think of sunshine I naturally think of the beach, sand, waves, beach balls and, oh yeah, sexy hot bikini beach babes.  So when it came time to choose a pic of a beach ball or a particularly gnarly wave to go with my story (because Jenny allowed us to have one this week, God bless her heart) I was torn as to which to choose.  That's when it hit me to use a photo of a sexy hot bikini beach babe instead.

Yeah, I know.  I was inspired.

Well, apparently there are a lot of good photos online of sexy hot bikini beach babes.  Who knew?

In fact I discovered that to see all of them would take almost a week, allowing for occasional sleep and potty breaks.  But after some extremely extensive research (and using up all my vacation and sick days) I can now present to you the following story based upon the prompt "you are my sunshine" with an accompanying photo.

The one catch this week was that we were only allowed to use a maximum of 50 words plus the 4 prompt words.  Maybe next time we have a sun-related Centus we can do 50 photos with no words.  I have a bunch downloaded and ready to go.  Just saying.

Okay, so this Saturday Half-Centus is entitled "Beach Blanket Melanoma."  I hope you enjoy it.

Remembering a youth spent frolicking in the surf of Malibu, Tawny hummed “you are my sunshine” as sunlight streamed through the window.

The tiny bikinis and bronze skin were just memories for this ex-beach babe.  

“Mrs Campbell, the doctor will see you now.”

Skin cancer, sagging cheeks and deep wrinkles were her life now.

Jenny Matlock

It is just a matter of time before clever, witty people have a quotation attributed to them.  
-- Jenny Matlock


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