Saturday, February 6, 2010

Let's Give Them a Damn Valentine's Day Card

Valentine's Day is not just the day where we get to shower our beloved with trinkets and flowers and other romantic expressions of love and affection. It is also a day when we should recognize the other people in our lives that love us or give us joy in some way. So lets send them a Valentine's Day card and let them know how we feel about them.

For instance, let's not forget our families, who have always been there when times were tough. True, you could count on them to ridicule and berate us for our shortcomings and our failures, but they would also be there to coax us off the ledge or bail us out when the time came. They deserve a card.

Plus there are our extended families. They are generally too busy with their own lives to spend a moment thinking about us, but when something happens that could have repercussions for the entire family, such as your winning the lottery for instance, they are your constant companions and always reminding you of how much you are loved. They deserve a card.

Your friends and co-workers are almost like an extended family. They spend lots of time with you, they know many of your darkest secrets and share your hopes and fears. Sometimes they even go out to bars with you and get drunk with you and watch you hit on hot girls who are there with their boyfriends. Then they pick you up after you have been beaten to a bloody pulp and get you home safely. They deserve a card.

Let's not forget our bloggy buddies and pals we've discovered on the internet. With all the encouragement and support that they give us, it's a good idea to remember them as well on this day. No matter how many invites you have declined to being a "Fan of Pants On The Ground" on Facebook they keep sending them anyway. That's dedication! They deserve a card. Or maybe twenty.

If you roll like Tiger Woods, then you might have a few mistresses and booty calls that warrant some Valentine recognition. So mail them a card and let them know how much they mean to you. Don't text them, though. Seriously. Don't be that stupid.

Some of you might have a loved one that doesn't really fit into a category. For example, it's a shame that there aren't any Hallmark cards for "my baby daddy" or "my baby mama" because they deserve something that says, "Hey, I'm thinking of you today" on Valentine's Day. Even if there is a restraining order.

That's just a few of the people you might want to give a Valentine's Day card to. You can decide if you want to give it to your grocer, doctor, teacher, postman or anyone else in your life that you feel a special kinship with. It's only one day, after all. Afterwards you can ignore them to your heart's content.


With Valentine's Day just a few days away I wanted to take this opportunity to spread a little love to the wonderful readers of my weird lil' old blog by sharing with you again some wickedly funny (and best of all, completely free) e-cards available from

Those of you who share my twisted sense of humor may know someone who would appreciate receiving something of the off-the-wall variety of Valentine's Day tidings. The rest of you will probably just pass this off as the work of a diseased and drug-addled mind and pray for my eternal salvation. Or not. Either way, check 'em out and see what you think!

There you have it my friends. Which one is your favorite? I'm kinda partial to the second one myself. But they are all weird in their own way. Don't forget to send some out!

I wish you all a really enjoyable Valentine's Day!


  1. LMAO!! And sending the first one now...

  2. I love #3 and the last one. But I guess that's a testimony to how really weird I am!

  3. How about, "Here's some candy. Now will you give me some?"

  4. Those are awesome! Truly...I loved each one of them. The earwig is an especially nice touch!

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  6. I like the 5th one because it truly seems to come from the heart of someone in my age group. Damn technology.

    ps. I deleted my last comment to fix a spelling error. Didn't know it still says I said something or I would have just dealt with the humiliation of how the word because was substituted with becomes.

  7. I, of course, was touched by the hound at the top of your post. That, I'm sure, is my favorite! Reminds me of a very special little girl I once knew.....
    I love giving and receiving greeting cards..I'm doing my bit to keep card-writers and artists in business! Very enjoyable post, Tom!

  8. The earwig, duh! Random always wins :)

  9. These are great!!! I love them all, but #3 has to be my favorite.....

    Happy Valentine's Day!


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