A Saturday Centus
Welcome to my contribution for week 7 of the Saturday Centus, a themed writing meme hosted by Jenny Matlock at her blog, Jenny Matlock ...off on my tangent.... Every Saturday she posts a "prompt," a phrase that must be used in the essays of each contributor. Each story must contain the prompt as written and be a total of 100 words or less, not including the prompt words. After posting their stories, the writers link up with Jenny's Saturday Centus meme post so that we can all share our treatment on the prompt.
For this week's Saturday Centus, I was again put in the unenviable position of editing my story down to a paltry 100 words plus the prompt. To me, my words are those thoughts that I gave life to, my babies in a sense, so trimming them from the story, or "chopping my babies" as I sometimes refer to it, is an emotional experience.
I love my babies just the way they are, whether they are 167 words or 191 words, and though it's required that I gut them regularly to get to the correct word count for this meme, I weep for all the chopped up baby parts that didn't make the final cut. Someday I'm going to have to reassemble my babies in their word-rich original format so that they can once again dance in the fluid fields of verbosity.
But I digress.
This week's prompt was appropriately focused on the Father's Day holiday by that prince of prompts, Mr. Jenny! Here is this week's prompt.
It was Fathers Day, 1984, when I heard that voice in the hallway...
And here is my
A Father's Day To Remember
It was Fathers Day, 1984, when I heard that voice in the hallway...
It was my brother Jimmy crying on the phone.
“He doesn’t know about dad yet and I’m not telling him. Why? How do you tell someone that his life will never, ever be the same? You do it, Mark. He trusts you."
Dreadful images of pain and loss flashed before my eyes, paralyzing me with such profound grief.
It would be two hours before I heard him knock on the door…two hours of tearful moans of deep despair.
“Jeff, open up it’s me, Mark!”
Slowly the door opened revealing Mark’s big smiling face.
“Dude, dad won the lottery! We’re rich!
Come on and join in the baby chopping fun.
You know you want to...
You twisted bastid! You had me going there. Love the ending all to hell and back.
ReplyDeleteOh, what a turnabout! lol
ReplyDeleteHa! I love it!!!
ReplyDeleteHa,ha. What a great ending. I never suspected it was that. Good job.
ReplyDeleteOh, you....!! But then, I should have seen it coming. Ray Bradbury, eat your heart out! :D
ReplyDeleteWhat a spin. Makes me wonder about all the words you cut out. I struggle with editing the story too. Great job!
ReplyDeleteSo now you are making the rest of us pay for your chopped baby parts? That was just mean :) Really, it was a great use of the prompt and a fantastic twist. Kathy
ReplyDeleteSnort. You had me going!
ReplyDeleteHa! That would be the best father's day present ever!
ReplyDeleteOh my I was just thinking how could it be like this then you twisted it like a corkscrew well done
ReplyDeleteAwesome twist! And I so understand about the chopped babies. I have a file called "extra words" where I save chunks of what I'm writing that had to be chopped. That way I can come back to that "richer" version more easily.
ReplyDeleteMwahahahah...
ReplyDeleteLoved it.
This is a great reminder of how we are so prone to expect the worst. Good job, Tom!
ReplyDeletexoRobyn
LOL...loved this one. My mind was going in one direction and the story went in a completely different direction.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHAHA! Why doesn't that ever happen to me???????
ReplyDelete"It was Father's Day, and my husband saw a dog in the paper that he wanted to adopt. So we did. Then on Wednesday, I called him on his cell because I came home and he was gone. He said he was getting himself a Father's Day present--pin striping for his car. I am confused."
I had to read this twice to make sure I got it.
ReplyDeleteTom, I know you feel like your chopping your babies feet off but the pared down words you write are really powerful.
Next time you do this may we see the original non-pared version. I'm really curious to see if it is as powerful!
I would totally like to read both.
Thank you for linking.
I really, really loved the twisted up direction you let this go.