Cooking Turkey The Ron Burgundy Way

I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly...

Cooking a big holiday dinner doesn't have to be a tedious, thankless chore this year. Not when there is scotch in the house! Just ask San Diego's Channel 4 news anchorman and devoted scotch drinker, Ron Burgundy, who prefers imbibing while cooking to make the time-honored tradition more pleasurable.

"I'll have three fingers of Glenlivet, with a little bit of pepper... and some cheese."

With Thanksgiving rapidly approaching, I wanted to share this step-by-step procedure which Ron uses in hopes that it might be helpful to those of us whose culinary skills are not as fully developed as our alcohol consuming skills (you know who you are!)

Without further adieu, I present the following for your consideration:

How To Cook A Turkey

Step 1: Go buy a turkey

Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey (scotch)

Step 3: Put Turkey in the oven.

Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey

Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens

Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink

Step 7: Turn oven the on

Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky

Step 9: Turk the bastey

Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get

Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer

Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey

Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours

Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 16: Floor the turkey up off of the pick

Step 17: Turk the carvey

Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch

Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey

Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out

You stay classy, San Diego!