Monday, November 2, 2009

Cooking Turkey The Ron Burgundy Way

I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly...

Cooking a big holiday dinner doesn't have to be a tedious, thankless chore this year. Not when there is scotch in the house! Just ask San Diego's Channel 4 news anchorman and devoted scotch drinker, Ron Burgundy, who prefers imbibing while cooking to make the time-honored tradition more pleasurable.

"I'll have three fingers of Glenlivet, with a little bit of pepper... and some cheese."

With Thanksgiving rapidly approaching, I wanted to share this step-by-step procedure which Ron uses in hopes that it might be helpful to those of us whose culinary skills are not as fully developed as our alcohol consuming skills (you know who you are!)

Without further adieu, I present the following for your consideration:

How To Cook A Turkey

Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey (scotch)
Step 3: Put Turkey in the oven.
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out

You stay classy, San Diego!


  1. Awesome!!!

    You know, I may know someone who could really use this.

  2. Just like Mom used to make! (LOL...sorry Mom, in case you just learned how to use the Internet and found this site...)

    I can't wait to see how you prepare the pumpkin pie.

    Great to have you back, Tom!

  3. The Movie was a funny one. I've yet to taste some Whiskey (I need to get out more, I guess). The pic of the Turkey is already giving me that 'sleepy' affect.

  4. I can't wait to see how you prepare the pumpkin pie. Work From Home

  5. I've got a little Maker's Mark, but looks like I might need to get more for this recipe...on my way to liquor store. :)


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