Saturday, June 25, 2011

The Letter, A Saturday Centus

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Jenny Matlock


It's Saturday and I'm ready with my contribution for week 60 of Saturday Centus!  Somebody pinch me because I think I'm dreaming! For once I'm not tardy to the party.

This week our beloved host Jenny Matlock from her blog, off on my tangent, has given us another interesting and challenging assignment. Instead of the normal 100 word limit for our short stories and poems, this week in honor of the 60th week of Saturday Centus we have a mere 60 words to work with.

I love these short, short writing assignments!  They are so quick and easy and perfect for a busy Saturday morning.  If that weren't enough, the prompt we were given to work with this week is "Dear John."   What fun!  

I've never personally received a "Dear John" letter, but imagine that it can carry with it a great deal of grief and sadness for the recipient (John).  This is why I tried to write one as any loving girlfriend might to her boyfriend to let him know (with all the sensitivity and understanding that could be squeezed into 60 words) that their long relationship was now over.   

Total FAIL.  

Maybe I should leave the sensitive, touchy-feely stuff to someone more suited, such as our perpetually weepy House Speaker John Boehner.

Here is my contribution this week.  I have entitled it:


The Letter

Dear John,

I’m leaving you.

I know we said we’d be together forever, but while you’ve been away in Iraq I’ve been seeing your best friend, Matt. 

The truth is that Matt is smarter, better looking and will go far in life. 

Plus, he will give me beautiful children. 

I hope we can all still be friends.

Donna


Jenny Matlock

There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that.
~ Steve Martin

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25 comments:

  1. Excellently written Tom !

    Yeoweeeee. ouchee oowee ! Stinging, heartless and glad JOHN escaped from such a hollow, cruel, low down witchy woman...poor MATT !!!

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  2. Cuts like a knife...no subtlety here...well done...I think your letter would read 'Dear Tom'...Peace and blessings

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  3. I've heard of short and sweet, this one only qualifies as short. Poor John.

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  4. Yes, let's all be friends, you whiny slut. Actually, after living with you for a few months, Matt will be more than happy to renew our friendship, but I will have moved on, and he'll be stuck with you. You think he's smart??? HAHAHAHAHA!!!

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  5. I'm laughing. I really like this, Tom. It's highly reasonable on Donna's part and to the point and all. May Donna and Matt have a long and happy life together.
    xoRobyn

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  6. No good can ever come from a Dear John letter ;0)

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  7. Geez i just want to smack the *%@# outta that girl ... cruel much!

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  8. great, you put the real letter I wrote when I ran away with Matt. You slug. :)

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  9. Nicely done...I think I'd kill her.


    Melanie

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  10. Wow... I might hunt her down when I got home if I was John!

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  11. Ouch. Cuts like a knive.
    Not all Donnas are that brutal, though.
    Donna v.

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  12. Just spit hot coffee on my computer screen. LOL! No, really. LOL! Love it and love you!

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  13. OMG, so mean and brutal...and hilarious at the same time!! (and I LOVE the Steve Martin quote! It's a scary thought that we may have similar senses of humor! Aaaacccckkkk....)

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  14. Nothing like the cold hard bitter truth. You are a piece of work, Tom! I needed this laugh.

    Namaste..........cj

    PS - Add my name to the list of those who think the Steve Martin quote is priceless!

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  15. Only a man could write a letter like that and imagine that a woman would be so open with her deceit! Maybe she is thinking what you have written, but she would never put those words in a letter. Not a real flesh and blood woman!
    Ah... Isn't fiction wonderful??

    Best wishes,
    Anna
    Sanna writes to John Tell-Anna's SC wk 60

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  16. Oh, this was so harsh! But some women are not the genteel peaches of womanhood. Guess this gal was more the peach pit! :)

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  17. That biotch. :0 Oooops did I say that? People like that deserve a house full of ugly children.~Ames

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  18. heehee

    Donna has such finesse...

    ;)

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  19. Good riddance to the gold digger! Great sweet and short good-bye Charlie! Or in this case JOHN!

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  20. Hah...well done, Tom! This is both pointed and hilarious! Unfortunately, it's also a poignant reminder that there are clueless people out there who would actually write such a letter...:)

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  21. Nicely done, and with a great chuckle. John is the one who is getting the better deal here!

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  22. Talk about being brusque and business like...A very worthy letter of the "Dear John" category.

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  23. Blunt, a bit brutal but then that is how life is! Well used prompt!

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  24. I'm pretty sure Matt and John are ... well...'together'.

    I see a flurry of nasty Dear John letters following THAT discovery.

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