Saturday, November 27, 2010
Probably Only A Coincidence, A Saturday Centus
Welcome once again to another excursion into the realm of literary weirdness!
This week marks the big 3 – 0 week of Saturday Centus, that entertaining writing meme hosted by Jenny Matlock at her blog, off on my tangent. As is the custom of us Centusians, we converge on Jenny’s blog every Saturday morning to get this week’s creative writing prompt. Using this prompt, we carefully craft 100-word short stories for the amusement of ourselves and our fellow Centusians. Even non-Centusians (aka the “unwashed heathen”) often come by and enjoy our tiny flights of fancy.
In lieu of a prompt this week, Jenny has decided to jolt us all back from our tryptophan-induced comas by shaking things up with an interesting twist from the normal routine. The concept for this week’s Centus was provided by Clear-Space, a regular SC contributor. Our instructions for this week are to pick a random horoscope from the paper or online and write our stories based on the kind of day that it “predicts.”
My take on astrology is that it is an entertaining diversion, but only the most weak-minded and gullible give it any real credence as a bona fide science. In a world gone mad as ours has, however, the most bizarre things are often given credibility. For instance, these days even the most ridiculous and far-fetched ideas can appear viable to some, like BP fulfilling their promises to return the Gulf of Mexico to its original pristine state, or saving our country from its economic death spiral by implementing greater tax cuts for the super wealthy, and the most horrifyingly loony notion of all time bar none, President Sarah Palin.
Just for fun I pulled up a random horoscope from this silly site and was amazed at the accuracy of their profile of Librans such as myself. It reads as follows:
Librans are sometimes known to go in for wife/husband swapping, and "swinging" appears to be a popular activity amongst Librans. Stopping the Libran from being so liberal with his/her body can sometimes be a chore. Chains and ropes are likely to help in the short-run, but that's because they like the idea of dressing up and S&M.
Generally Librans are against things, which can make them pretty miserable and at the same time fairly interesting. Until they become tiresome. Other star-signs are known to feel about Librans that they're a "bit like my dad" when it comes to opinions.
Humiliation or embarrassment is not in a Libran's lexicon. Nor is "goat" or "leprechaun" - it's a bizarre-but-true blind spot with your average Libran.
Danger is around every corner for the Libran, and whilst it is usually paranoia and not true at all, the Libran finds it very difficult to turn off that worried side of their persona. This is understandable, really, because as far as we can tell, everyone is out to get them. However, paranoia only gets the Libran to stay, trapped forever, in the house - not a great problem in itself. No, it's more what drives him to shudder in the cupboard that remains a mystery.
The Libran is disposed to walking naked around his/her dwelling, irrespective of the other members of the household's view or opinions. Interestingly, the Libran is also against the concept of curtains, which leads to the statistic that 94% of all Librans have been arrested for "exposure."
Uncanny, isn’t it? I’m sure you all know someone who fits this profile. Besides me, I mean.
Here is my personal horoscope from this same website. My Centus for this week follows immediately afterwards.
Libra 23 September - 23 October
Hexes may impair your vision today if you attempt to cross an invisible boundary. Fun is a word that will score you few points in scrabble...but then when was life all about scrabble? If you mis-use the word literally once more today ("I *literally* laughed my ass off"), you're going to feel what it's like to be hit "upside the head".
Probably Just a Coincidence
“So what happened to your head?”
“It was the strangest thing. I had just laid down “refudiated” for a triple word score when Miles literally went berserk. He angrily rejected my word and literally tried to claim victory.
“But how did you…”
“Well, when I objected he literally tried to take my head off with the bag of tiles. He then dumped the game on the floor and cursed my eyes if I ever played it again. The guy is insane. Literally.”
“Hey, why’d you hit my head?"
"I didn't. I only figuratively hit your head.”
My horoscope says that it is a good week
to wear a disguise.