Saturday, November 27, 2010

Probably Only A Coincidence, A Saturday Centus

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Jenny Matlock


Welcome once again to another excursion into the realm of literary weirdness! 

This week marks the big 3 – 0 week of Saturday Centus, that entertaining writing meme hosted by Jenny Matlock at her blog, off on my tangent.  As is the custom of us Centusians, we converge on Jenny’s blog every Saturday morning to get this week’s creative writing prompt.  Using this prompt, we carefully craft 100-word short stories for the amusement of ourselves and our fellow Centusians.  Even non-Centusians (aka the “unwashed heathen”) often come by and enjoy our tiny flights of fancy.

In lieu of a prompt this week, Jenny has decided to jolt us all back from our tryptophan-induced comas by shaking things up with an interesting twist from the normal routine.  The concept for this week’s Centus was provided by Clear-Space, a regular SC contributor.   Our instructions for this week are to pick a random horoscope from the paper or online and write our stories based on the kind of day that it “predicts.”

My take on astrology is that it is an entertaining diversion, but only the most weak-minded and gullible give it any real credence as a bona fide science.  In a world gone mad as ours has, however, the most bizarre things are often given credibility.  For instance, these days even the most ridiculous and far-fetched ideas can appear viable to some, like BP fulfilling their promises to return the Gulf of Mexico to its original pristine state, or saving our country from its economic death spiral by implementing greater tax cuts for the super wealthy, and the most horrifyingly loony notion of all time bar none, President Sarah Palin.

Just for fun I pulled up a random horoscope from this silly site and was amazed at the accuracy of their profile of Librans such as myself.  It reads as follows:

Librans are sometimes known to go in for wife/husband swapping, and "swinging" appears to be a popular activity amongst Librans. Stopping the Libran from being so liberal with his/her body can sometimes be a chore. Chains and ropes are likely to help in the short-run, but that's because they like the idea of dressing up and S&M.

Generally Librans are against things, which can make them pretty miserable and at the same time fairly interesting. Until they become tiresome. Other star-signs are known to feel about Librans that they're a "bit like my dad" when it comes to opinions.

Humiliation or embarrassment is not in a Libran's lexicon. Nor is "goat" or "leprechaun" - it's a bizarre-but-true blind spot with your average Libran.

 Danger is around every corner for the Libran, and whilst it is usually paranoia and not true at all, the Libran finds it very difficult to turn off that worried side of their persona. This is understandable, really, because as far as we can tell, everyone is out to get them. However, paranoia only gets the Libran to stay, trapped forever, in the house - not a great problem in itself. No, it's more what drives him to shudder in the cupboard that remains a mystery.

The Libran is disposed to walking naked around his/her dwelling, irrespective of the other members of the household's view or opinions. Interestingly, the Libran is also against the concept of curtains, which leads to the statistic that 94% of all Librans have been arrested for "exposure."

Uncanny, isn’t it?  I’m sure you all know someone who fits this profile.  Besides me, I mean.

Here is my personal horoscope from this same website.  My Centus for this week follows immediately afterwards.  

Libra  23 September - 23 October
Hexes may impair your vision today if you attempt to cross an invisible boundary. Fun is a word that will score you few points in scrabble...but then when was life all about scrabble? If you mis-use the word literally once more today ("I *literally* laughed my ass off"), you're going to feel what it's like to be hit "upside the head".

Probably Just a Coincidence


“So what happened to your head?”

“It was the strangest thing.  I had just laid down “refudiated” for a triple word score when Miles literally went berserk.  He angrily rejected my word and literally tried to claim victory.

“But how did you…”

“Well, when I objected he literally tried to take my head off with the bag of tiles.  He then dumped the game on the floor and cursed my eyes if I ever played it again.  The guy is insane.  Literally.”

*SMACK*

“Hey, why’d you hit my head?"

"I didn't.  I only figuratively hit your head.”

"Still hurts!"

Jenny Matlock

My horoscope says that it is a good week
to wear a disguise.

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23 comments:

  1. I haven't been to Jennys yet but I already know this is going to be ridiculously fun *sigh* but I find everything about it hard . However, I am a Libran too and your post was rather amusing .

    I can relate to this part paranoia only gets the Libran to stay, trapped forever, in the house - not a great problem in itself. No, it's more what drives him to shudder in the cupboard that remains a mystery.

    Lololol

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  2. My horoscope told me to plan a mellow evening with friends. Since I am hosting Bunco on Monday night, I figured that was close enough. I decided to use my son Joey's instead. If you click on his name (in yellow in my post) it will take you to his site and his last post. Then you will see that what I wrote is very appropriate!!

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  3. LOL, too funny. I need to find that horoscope site. Thank goodness I'm in the 6% of Libra's never being arrested for exposure. Must be because I have blinds, ha. Cute Centus.

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  4. Oh, Tom,

    You clearly have way too much time on your hands. Only you could have dug up Laughsend and those wonderfully absurd horoscopes. You, once again, had be in stitches with this post. The Scrabble game reminded me of one or two in which I have participated. Scary, really scary.

    Thanks and Namaste..........cj

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  5. What a great story for the prompt this week! Very funny.

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  6. I agree with the commenter above....you have way too much time on your hands! lol

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  7. You are such a clever lad!! Really good - & I can see it so clearly!Literally! Ouch - you're right - it does hurt!;)

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  8. Ha! From one Scrabble fanatic to another, I indisputably, undeniably, unequivocally adore this take on the prompt!

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  9. Yours is always my favorite stop on the Centus tour. Laughs abound once more. Literally!

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  10. Sweet. No really, I mean that.

    Now I'm off to find mine.

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  11. Bwahahaha! Refudiated! I'd be slinging tiles too if someone tried to use that word in a game of scrabble. This made my morning Tom. And that horoscope site is a scream! Kat

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  12. I'll bet the guy was palin' in shock after that smack to the head. (What? She's the only one who can make up words??)

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  13. You are as full of sh*t as a Christmas goose! But you are full of funny sh*t!

    I literally enjoyed your creative post. However, my favorite words were:
    "like BP fulfilling their promises to return the Gulf of Mexico to its original pristine state, or saving our country from its economic death spiral by implementing greater tax cuts for the super wealthy, and the most horrifyingly loony notion of all time bar none, President Sarah Palin."

    I laughed my ass off. Literally. Okay, maybe just figuratively.

    Malisa

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  14. You crack me up! I always enjoy how you set up your stories!I also believe that horoscopes are those little seeds that plant an idea or action in one's mind when you read them. So when you unconsciously act on it you start to beleive in them. They are what they are. Entertainment and mind fodder. I enjoyed your use of the prompt!~Ames

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  15. This was literally and figuratively very amusing and clever, Tom. Well played, as always.
    xoRobyn

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  16. I took away my first attempt at this, in case you tried to visit my post and found that it was not accessable. But it's working now. I have finally finished writing a Centus for week 30.
    Best wishes,
    Anna
    Anna's SC wk 30

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  17. I am NEVER going to use the 'L' word. :)

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  18. Such a creative post! Loved it!

    I am Aries. I wrote ripples depicting that!

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  19. I might need some more caffeine so I can completely grasp the subtle witticisms and sarcasms included in this post.

    In the interim, however, I will simply say...Tom G. You are amazing.

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  20. Loved it. I've missed having the time to come by and be amused by your unique style and sarcastic wit, which I find immensely enjoyable. I'm a Scrabble fanatic. If we were friends on facebook we could play Scrabble together! Give it a thought. I'm just plain "Tina Downey" and my current profile picture is of the brand new tattoo I got a year and a half ago. I.e it's an old picture ;-) Come find me if you want to play! (The tattoo is the inside of my ankle, with my boys initials in the vine.) And as long as I'm advertising, if any of the rest of the commenters would like to play, I'd love have you as an opponent!

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