Sunday, November 14, 2010

"A Paparazzo's Dream", A Saturday Centus

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Jenny Matlock


Welcome back to yet another installment of the Saturday Centus, that fun and challenging writing meme that takes a supplied prompt and no more than 100 words of your own and transforms them into a mini literary adventure!  Our host and spirited advisor for this exercise is none other than that bloggess extraordinaire herself, Jenny Matlock at her blog, off on my tangent.

As this is the 28th week of the Saturday Centus, by now you know the rules about the 100 word limit, no vulgarity, no splitting the prompt and no pictures, but you may not know that, as a result of the recent elections and the shift in power in the House, starting next year there will be some new rules that will take effect here in Centusland.

To begin with, those Centusians in the top 15% income bracket will be able to use a total of 175 words in their Centus instead of the usual 100.  Those in the lower income brackets will find their word limits decreased to 64 including the prompt.  There will also be a small surcharge required to post your Centus for those not in the top bracket.  These funds will go to support legislation to defend American freedom and liberty blah, blah, blah…

In addition, any written pieces that seek to disparage members of the Republican Party, Tea Party, it’s conservative pundits or corporate cronies by accusing them of being either greedy, power-hungry, plutocrats or mindless half-wit talking-point puppets will not be allowed to be posted (For those of you who are Republicans, disparage means “to put down.”)
 
In contrast, bashing the President and the rest of the government whom are dedicated to improving the lives of ALL Americans (even those Republicans who wish to deny the rest of us healthcare, unemployment benefits, civil rights and who have worked tirelessly to ship our jobs overseas to fatten their own bloated  paychecks) will, however, be tolerated and in fact encouraged. 

Also in 2011 the restriction with regard to having photos or illustrations will be partially lifted.  White, God-fearing conservative bloggers will have the option of using any of a number of images officially sanctioned by the Republican Party.  These include the popular “Obama with Hitler-style mustache,” “Obama with Bone In Nose” and any image reputing to show Obama as a socialist, a communist or a fascist (for those people who are unfamiliar with the meanings of each term and use them interchangeably.)

Yes, the times they are a-changing!   This new direction purchased by the Koch brothers  voted on by the electorate will include some sweeping changes for all of us.  In light of this, Jenny, I want to apologize in advance because I’m not certain that I will be able to keep your rule on vulgarity come next year.

This week’s Saturday Centus prompt had a very poetic, lyrical feel about it, so I tried to utilize it as best I could given my non-poetic, raucous writing style.  The prompt this week is:  "The early November sunshine cast golden rays..."

Here is my take on this week’s prompt.  I have entitled it:

A Paparazzo’s Dream

The early November sunshine cast golden rays upon this exclusive Malibu beach community.   Sitting in my boat the cries of seagulls broke the trance-like state that the gentle surf and salty sea air had placed me in. 

Suddenly she stepped out onto her deck wearing just her bikini bottoms and holding a drink.  At long last the moment I had been waiting for.  I raised my Nikon camera and clicked away.

Sure, anyone could photograph other topless celebs, but it was I that finally caught on film the person who had eluded photographers all these years.

Betty White.

The bidding would start at a quarter million dollars.

Jenny Matlock
Practice random acts of kindness.
It really weirds people out!

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21 comments:

  1. Oh funny and inventive writing too! Betty White..topless...hum.... :)

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  2. Well, the second American Civil War has officially begun, and the Republicans have already proven that they only have their own self-interest at heart. Unfortunately, their constituents are already so confused and bewildered with Republican double-speak that they won't know what hit them until they see that voting for the GOP just may cost them more money when they file their returns at the end of the year. Of course those crafty Republicans will convince them that "it is all Obama's fault."
    Betty White topless--will the Republicans pay to see that? I'll bet Fox Noise would pay big money for that!

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  3. Sheesh, I thought that Saturday Centus was my last refuge from the slings and arrows that life has been throwing my way. Now Congress is getting into the act? Better count those words now, I'm sure they'll find a way to cut them some more. And your story Tom. I haven't laughed that hard in a while. Really? Betty White? Who knew there was a market. You never fail to make my day. Kat

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  4. I have read your posts for a mere one week now and I am thoroughly entertained. Very funny. Made my day!

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  5. Non-poetic and lyrical indeed. But interesting and entertaining, nonetheless.

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  6. Thanks for the laughter, Tom. This reminds me of a little cartoon comic in Mad mag showing a Betty White video. Betty is shirtless, and the video is entitled "Thank you for being a friend plus benefits." Had to share that. xo

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  7. Hahahaha. Betty's out in the sun trying to be a Golden Girl again.

    My school's actually trying to get her to come speak at graduation this year. I have severe doubts it would happen but that'd be awesome.

    I like the intro too. I've had far too many nobama photos I've wanted to post and now the centus will give me an outlet.

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  8. LOL ... you are brilliant, and I love ... Practice random acts of kindness.
    It really weirds people out!
    ... It really does! :o)

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  9. Must wash that image out of my mind...

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  10. Wow! That's a bit too much for this early in the morning. I'm so glad she was wearing her bikini bottoms.

    Good job, Tom.

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  11. I loved this! very funny!

    But your intro was hilarious! I am worried however what the republicans will do to healthcare and social security...since I'm retired and struggling already.

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  12. I knew I should just have kept my mouth shut!!

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  13. That is so funny! How creative!

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  14. I betcha dear Betty would be smiling when her picture was taken. Fun post. I loved your intro, however, I think I'm going to be in the 64 words section. I think the centus is going to be too much money for me, ha.

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  15. Well, Tom, you done done it agin (that's an expression we Southerners use) - made me laugh so loud, my dogs both woke up and gave me the "What the heck" evil eye!

    Once again, your intro cracked me up - sort of. (My job barely makes ends meet around here). Guess I'll be relegated to the 64 word section, but if I have to limit myself to that, I may need to cuss a little and post the occasional photo - just for spite.

    Well done, my friend..........cj

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  16. One of my dreams is too see Betty White topless. I always hoped that she showed some cleavage in the Golden Girls.

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  17. OMG!!! I certainly wasn't expecting THAT!!! Hahahahhahahah...just like that crazy new show Raising Hope (Chloris Leachman runs around topless..horrific ;-), but funny as all get out! Great job with this.

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  18. Sorry Tom, living where I do, I don't know the background to your story that everyone else seems to know. But I do understand that Betty White must be an older woman.
    Fun solution to this challenge.
    Best wishes,
    Anna
    Anna's SC wk 28

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  19. You are just too funny. And such a rascal.

    ;)

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  20. Rascal.

    A perfet word for you Mr. Tom!

    I read your intro several times and debated stealing it to send it to a writing contest since ...umm... certain people never have time to do that...

    But then I read the part about Betty White and I became temporarily blind in my imagination. Thank heavens I can use my keyboard simply by feel so that I can complete this comment to you!

    Tom. You are amazing. Where do you come up with these things!

    You definitely draw from a deep well of ... ummm... ummm... yea... creativity.

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  21. Well, I loved your story! It was amazingly funny. However, I must admit that your introduction was the best thing I have read in a long time! I laughed my ass off. No, wait. I just looked behind me and it is all still there. Damnit! Whatever. Your intro kicked ass...even my big ass that is still there! (For those of you who are Republicans, disparage means “to put down.”) Ha, ha, ha, ha! Can you see it jiggle?:(


    Malisa

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