Are You Smarter Than A "Jaywalker?"

                                               
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The other day I went to the pet store to get some supplies. As I unloaded my cart of dog toys, dog treats and a 20 lb. bag of dry dog food onto the checkout counter, the cashier looked at me and asked me if I owned a dog. I fought the urge to say “No, this is a wedding present for a friend of mine. He doesn’t own a dog either, but he admires people that do.” Instead, I told her that I did in fact own a dog (and started slowly counting to 100.)

On Sunday I stopped in at a Chevron station to get some gas. I pulled up at the pump right in front of the store there and walked in. As mine was the only car present at the time, I calmly stepped up to the counter and dropped a $20 dollar bill onto the counter and told the young man I needed $20 in gas. Without missing a beat he looked outside and asked me “Is that your car?” Of course I bit my lip and didn’t tell him “No, I left my car at home. I thought I could fill up a bunch of 32 oz. drink cups and then carry them home.” Instead, I said “yes” and headed back toward my car so he wouldn’t see my eyes rolling like a slot machine.

Last night we went out to dinner to celebrate our third wedding anniversary. We went to a Teppanyaki style Japanese restaurant, similar to a Benihanas restaurant. As the waitress seated us, I mentioned to her that my wife had never been to this kind of restaurant before and she was very excited about being there. She smiled and moments later asked us “So have you both been here before?” Again, I was tempted to give her some snarky response such as “Yes, but not in this lifetime,” but it was my anniversary so I just played it cool.

Why, why, why are there so many stupid people around these days? One of my biggest concerns is that ours is a nation of absolute morons, and that they are allowed to breed unabated. It drives me crazy when people say or do idiotic things, which is another big reason why I could never vote Republican. How does anyone with even the most rudimentary common sense accept a statement like this as having any credibility?

''The ocean will take care of this on its own if it was left alone and left out there. It's natural. It's as natural as the ocean water is.''

—Rush Limbaugh, on the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, May 3, 2010

Perhaps quoting Rush is unfair, as his mouth certainly spouts more crude than any pipeline ever could. But certainly our country is rife with clueless Americans, and I’m not just singling out the South here because you don’t have to be a tobacco chewing, racist redneck to be a moron. (It doesn’t hurt, though.)   Indeed there are morons from sea to shining sea.  Unfortunately, it's morons from the South that seem to grab the most headlines and find themselves in front of TV cameras most often, so they've become the unofficial spokespersons for stupid.

Ask anyone from the South and they will categorically deny (and rightfully so) that their people are any more stupid than anywhere else in the country and instead proclaim that the stereotype showing them to be inbred, bigoted, fundamentalist whack jobs is just patently false and offensive. They then will drive home the point with the question “Whatsamatta, boy, you ignernt or sumpin?”  Oh, the irony!

Maybe some of you have seen this video, but if you haven’t then be prepared to accept that there are a lot of really dumb ass people dragging their knuckles wandering our country’s cities with delusions of adequacy. I’ve watched the Jay Leno Show often when he does this comedic bit he calls “Jaywalking.” It’s a simple “Man-on-the-street” interview where Jay grabs some passing pedestrian and asks him general knowledge questions about current events, history, science and the like.

Almost always the person answering is a total dunce, unable to answer the most basic questions, such as “How many moons circle the Earth?”  Respondents to this question have actually answered, “Do you mean whole moons or quarter moons?”  Yikes!  Of course you have to assume it is highly edited and that not everyone can be this stupid, but sometimes you just wonder. One of the respondents in the video is a college instructor.  How scary is that?  This particular video was done for the 4th of July holiday, so the questions are about that period in history. Check it out:  

Here are some of Jay’s previous questions from the show and the answers they received:

J: In what country would you find the Panama Canal?

A: I have no clue.

J: Who was the first President of the United States?

A: Benjamin Franklin

J: Who is the famous French emperor who has a pastry named after him?

A: Crème Brule

J: Name one of the Ten Commandments.

A: Freedom of speech.

J: What countries border the United States?

A: Australia and Hawaii.

J: How was Korea divided?

A: In half.

J: Who won the Civil War?

A: We did.

J: (pointing at a U.S. flag waving in the wind) How many stars are on the American flag?

A: I can’t tell. It’s moving too fast.

It’s ironic that immigrants seeking citizenship to this country have to pass a test on American history with a score of 80% to be allowed in, but guys like Joe Bob, Donnie Ray and his cousin Tater living back in the holler will swear to you that the “Father of Our Country” is George Jones.

It’s sad and embarrassing that so many people in this country fail not only to raise the bar, but to even reach the bar.  It’s easy to blame the educational system, and surely the reforms made in the last 50 years are responsible for a lot of the dumbing down of our population, but there’s no excuse for being this stupid.

Maybe some people should put down the television remote and pick up a book for a change. You know, a book, that thing with all the written pages bound together within covers that smart people read?

It’s like the TV Guide, only different.

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