Sarah Palin, Faux News Media Whore

Uggggggh!

That horrible, lying, bigoted, dim-witted, fanatical right-wing, hypocrite whack job is back again! Sarah "Caribou Shitferbrains" Palin has landed a spot on cable television as a political commentator. WTF? With her recent signing of a multiyear deal with the Fox News network, she is again taking her brand of conservative drivel to the masses of slack-jawed yokels that blindly see her as the next Messiah.

It was bad enough having to endure months of her ignorant ramblings and delusions of adequacy during the 2008 Presidential campaign. But then after the election she parlayed her popularity into a career as a speaker, spreading hate and fear and spewing lies so transparent that even fellow conservatives were embarrassed about her. Next her book "Going Rogue" came along with the ensuing book tour, speeches and media appearances which thrust her even further into the spotlight.

Incidentally, if you haven't read the book yet, the title refers to the term given Palin by a McCain aide to describe her going off-message during the campaign. The book is basically a self-aggrandizing tell-all that blames the media, McCain and the whole campaign team plus most everyone else for making her look like a laughingstock. (She reportedly co-wrote the book with a ghost writer, but given her inability to string a comprehensible sentence together, I suspect her contributions were the page numbers.) A "Going Rogue" activity and coloring book has also recently come out so that her supporters from the shallow end of the gene pool, which is most of them, can also say they read it.

Now why couldn't she just go slink away and let the national embarrassment that she personifies slowly fade away from memory the way Dan Quayle did? No, not Sarah Palin. She will "not go gentle into that good night" but instead is doing her best to "rage against the dying of the light." The light, after all, pays better.

She's going to get all the light she wants now with Fox News. Joining the ranks of Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck and other arrogant right-wing morons (Dumb, Dumber and Dumberer?) she will be actually getting paid to open her pie hole and let the stupid gush forth. Brilliant. Fox knows she has no problem side-stepping the truth and that the addition of her to the panel opens a new audience that up until now was too ignorant to understand the ravings of Beck or Hannity. Palin will effectively dumb-down the level of conversation to that of her supporters, but without all the drooling, grunting and knuckle-dragging.

"I am thrilled to be joining the great talent and management team at Fox News," she says in a statement posted on the network's Web site. "It's wonderful to be part of a place that so values fair and balanced news."

Fair and balanced? Sure, just like the Presidential election in Iran.

I would say it is ironic that, after months of attacking the news media for reporting on her many embarrassing gaffes and calling her supposed intelligence into question, that she would end up working for a news agency. Except Fox News isn't really much more of a news network than, say, the Food Network. Rather they would best be described as the propaganda arm of the Republican Party. "Fair and Balanced" are just meaningless words being bandied around by the conservative leadership of Fox to give it an air of legitimacy, but only a complete fool would believe that.

Who, of all the heavyweight conservative pundits who distort and misrepresent the events of the day there at Fox, such as Beck, Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, Lou Dobbs, etc., is the voice of dissent? Where is the "fair and balanced" coming from? There isn't anything offered by Fox except their own radical right-wing spin. In a sense, then, this is a good move for Palin. She has found a home where deception, greed and an abiding contempt for those who disagree with her ignorant views are the accepted norm. Fox is also a safe-haven where she won't have to try and defend her positions from any liberal media types who conspire to make her look bad with tricky questions, like Katie Couric did.

You remember that disastrous interview, don't you? I'll refresh your memory a bit with one of the questions asked to Palin about the Wall Street bailout. In reading her response, maybe you can explain to me how anybody with half a brain could logically support such an incoherent twit in becoming what might have eventually been the President of the most powerful country in the world, because I just can't see it:

Katie Couric:

Why isn’t it better, Governor Palin, to spend $700 billion helping middle-class families struggling with health care, housing, gas and groceries? Allow them to spend more and put more money into the economy? Instead of helping these big financial institutions that played a role in creating this mess?

Sarah Palin:

That’s why I say, uh… I, like every American I’m speaking with we’re ill about this, er, position……that we have been put in where it is the taxpayers looking to bail out. But ultimately, what the bailout does is, um……help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to, er……help shore up the economy… Helping the, uh……Oh! it’s got to be about job creation too. Shoring up our economy and putting it back on the right track. So health care reform and reducing taxes and……reigning in spending has, er……got to accompany tax reductions and, uh… tax relief? …for Americans. And… trade! We’ve got to see trade as opportunity, not as a competitive scary thing. But 1 in 5 jobs being created in the trade sector today. We’ve got to look at that as more opportunity. All those things under the umbrella of job creation, umm…This bailout is a part of that.

Whaaa??? Seriously, I wouldn't let this short-bus riding ignoramous have the keys to my car, let alone the code to the U.S. nuclear arsenal. Hell, she can't even pronounce "nuclear" opting instead to say "nucular" like Dubya did. Perhaps it is her mission to carry the mantle of idiocy now that he is gone from the spotlight, never to be "misunderestimated" again.

About the only saving grace with Palin's new role as a paid political "talking head" is that late night talk show hosts, Saturday Night Live's Tina Fey and the rest of the country's comedians and humorists will continue to have a field day as she fiercely attempts to come off sounding like she has some clue of what she is talking about, particularly if she "goes rogue" and speaks her mind instead of reading the cue cards, with predictably feeble results.

How long do you think she will last before she quits this job too after claims of being personally attacked by the media and her viewership? And will this new position - by way of adding more public exposure to her character, views and personality - hurt or help her chances at a run for the 2012 Presidency? Only time will tell. But given that she still has a large following that has already seen and heard her repeatedly make an ass of herself on national television (and babble on about her bumbling, inept plans to restore America to the glory that was 1953) meanwhile still thinking she's our best hope for the future, I fear that her position as presidential front-runner is secure. Which, thankfully, means another four more years of Obama!

In the new book "Game Change" by New York magazine's John Heilemann and Time Magazine's Mark Halperin, the authors detail the various goings-on behind the scenes of the Presidential campaign with some very alarming and embarrassing revelations about Palin. For example, she erroneously still held the belief that Saddam Hussein was the mastermind behind the 9/11 attacks. She was also clueless as to why there was both a South Korea and a North Korea (um...the Korean War) and was painfully oblivious as to how to pronounce Joe Biden's name. In short, the book not only depicted her as an imbecile, but also said she was mentally unstable, even quoting her as saying at one point during the campaign, "If I had known everything I know now, I would not have done this."

Well that's one thing I look for in a President, mental instability. Yes sir, seeing as they hold the fate of the world in their hands, it's always a good idea to choose someone who has wild mood swings, is often depressed, has a tendency to quit when under pressure and is prone to catatonic stupors. Crazy! Insane! Nuts! Do you realize how close we came to giving this mental midget access to the button! Bear in mind, this is the same woman who, when asked in an interview with ABC News about if America may need to go to war with Russia because of the Georgia crisis, answered "Perhaps so." It's scary when you think about it, and yet her supporters are convinced that she is their salvation.

The right-wing likes her because she is conservative and drops bits of ear candy like " family values" and "old-fashioned morals" with a smattering of "It's God's Will" which they can't get enough of. Many women like her because...well, she's a woman, and they would love to see a woman finally hold the highest office in the land, even if she has the I.Q. of a coconut. And finally many men like her because she looks hot and they secretly want to have sex with her. All good reasons to be sure, if you are a Republican. And all the more reason we should impose mandatory intelligence tests before allowing any stupid yahoo to vote us into annihilation.

Is Sarah Palin sincere in her desire for helping shape the future of America and bringing all of it's citizens the promise of peace and prosperity? Well that's what she wants the sheeple to think. Is she really more interested in making money and gaining ever-increasing power and prestige in the Republican Party?

You betcha! *wink!*

Here are some wonderful quotes about Palin from the last year which I found amusing. I have no doubt that with her new job as a political commentator, these guys are just getting started!

FUNNY QUOTES

"Over the weekend Sarah Palin shocked the country by resigning as governor of Alaska. Yeah, Republicans aren't sure who is going to fill her role in the party, but they are in talks with several of the Real Housewives of New Jersey." --Conan O'Brien

"Sarah Palin was asked a question by a third grader and she got it wrong. She apparently still does not know what the vice president does ... She says he or she runs the Senate. No, not in this country. You know I would never accuse George Bush of being a bright man, but when he was elected, at least he knew which building to show up to." ―Bill Maher

"In Sarah Palin's new book, she says when she first laid eyes on her future husband, she said out loud, 'Thank you, God,' which is the same thing the Democrats said when they first laid eyes on Sarah Palin." -Conan O'Brien

"Sarah Palin's new autobiography doesn't come out until November, but it is already No. 1 on Amazon. And if you go to the website, it says, 'People who bought this book also bought no other books in their entire life.'" --Jimmy Fallon

"Naturally the smart thing to do to solve your economic woes is to demonize the Democrats. And of course, Sarah Palin is more than happy to oblige. She's been saying that Obama hangs out with terrorists. And you know, I think the evangelical lady who's in a video getting blessed by a witch doctor, who's married to a secessionist, and can't name a newspaper -- she's right, Obama is scary." --Bill Maher

"Sources from the McCain campaign are starting to talk. And they said today that when they were prepping Sarah Palin for the debates, they found out that she thought Africa was a country, not a continent. Now, to be fair to Sarah Palin, it is hard to see Africa from Alaska." --Conan O'Brien

"Sarah Palin is all over the news lately. She told Matt Lauer on the 'Today' show that, yes, the rumors were true, on election night she did want to deliver her own concession speech and she was disappointed that she couldn't. Well, she shouldn't feel bad. Wait till 2012. Deliver it then." --Jay Leno

"According to a new poll, 42% of Americans say they would vote for Sarah Palin for president in 2012. They also said they'd support her decision to step down in 2013." --Conan O'Brien

"Are you excited about Sarah Palin? Well, yesterday she referred to Afghanistan as our neighboring country. Apparently, she can see bin Laden's cave from her house." --David Letterman

"Political activists are now saying, if Sarah Palin does not do well tomorrow in the debate, she will voluntarily step down from the ticket by Friday. So far, there have been over 2 million emails and phone calls, urging her to stay. All from Tina Fey." --Jay Leno

"Everybody is trying to find out more about Sarah Palin. Someone was able to hack into Sarah Palin's Yahoo! email account because she hadn't taken the proper security measures. Yeah. So, folks, it's official. No one in the Palin family uses protection." --Conan O'Brien