Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Weird Christmas Greetings To You All

This week for your entertainment I present some Christmas cards that probably weren't the first choice at Hallmark (or any other reputable greeting card company for that matter) but which are nonetheless available free for email at wrongcards.com. So if you or someone you know has a twisted sense of humor and would appreciate some weird tidings this year for Christmas (and just about anything else) I would like to recommend this site.

Here are some favorites that I picked especially for my blog readers because you are all so terribly, terribly special to me and I wanted to wish you all the merriest of Christmases from the bottom of my weird lil' heart!

Now here's a card that your small children will appreciate. Especially if your children are in the mob. Although it does announce Santa's demise, it also gives you an out if you decide not to buy them presents this year.

Who doesn't remember going through this ordeal in our childhood? Did our parents even think to consider what kind of deviant they could have been sitting us on? Probably not. And now many of us are forever scarred and can never again sit on the lap of an old guy.

I admit it. I tried to stay up all night and catch the fat man in the act of leaving presents. I wanted to make sure he didn't screw up again and leave me socks again as a present like he did the year before. But I fell asleep, unfortunately, and got those stupid socks again anyway. Bastard!

I may be in the minority here, but I think that Rudolph has outlasted his fifteen minutes of fame and needs to be retired so other reindeer can have a shot at stardom. Like how about "Vixen, The Really Sexy Reindeer" or "Cupid, The Fornicating Reindeer." Now there's a cartoon I'd like to see.

As severed head Christmas cards go, I thought this one was very touching and sentimental. I know a lot of people probably feel the same angst at their inability due to so-called "Anti-decapitation laws" to give celebrity heads to their loved ones for Christmas. But have no fear, because laws were made to be changed and the wait won't be long. Watch your back, Miley!

Do you remember who first told you that the story of Santa Claus was total BS? Did you believe them or did you hold out hope that your belief, like your belief in pro wrestling being real, would someday be vindicated? And what year of high school were you in when you finally accepted it?

It's hard to imagine what our Christmas would be like without a Santa Claus. But being ever open-minded to new and progressive evolutions of holiday traditions, I'm thinking that naked, writhing priestesses would make for some very interesting holiday TV specials. It sure would make "A Charlie Brown Christmas" a lot more entertaining. "Go Charlie, Go Charlie, Go!"

There you have it, my blog buddies and faithful fans, my collection of strange e-cards for the fun-loving weirdo in all of us! This week promises to be quite hectic so if I don't get back to my blog before then, I will leave you all with my best wishes for the holiday season and wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!



  1. These are oh so wrong...and VERY funny.

  2. Very very funny, Tom, and gleefully subversive. Thanks for the laughs, and for your provocative and genuinely skillful writing these past few months....I will certainly keep coming back in the year ahead!

  3. Anybody can be PC. Let irreverent dogs fly, I say. Great post.

  4. I think my favorite is the child sitting on Santa's lap. Thanks for stopping by and voting for Travis at "Just Because My Pickle Talks..."

    I'm sorry about the lint, it must be disturbing...especially in the middle of the night.

  5. I really like the bear trap for Santa! Awesome!

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