Sunday, December 27, 2009
A Very Snuggly Christmas
Question: What's big and blue, cozy soft and you can stick your arms in it?
Answer: If you said a Snuggie, you are correct and go to the head of the class.
If you said something else, you are a sick and disturbed person and probably need immediate psychiatric attention.
Snuggies are those big blankets with sleeves that let you stay warm while holding your cigarette in one hand and your baby in the other. We've all seen the sappy TV commercials where they tell you that with the Snuggie, you don't ever have to worry about having your arms trapped in a blanket anymore and unable to use the remote control, the telephone or be able to read a book.
Well, two out of three for some of ya'.
With the Snuggie, you can loaf around on the sofa while watching "Cops" or your favorite wrestling shows and still be able to drink a forty and chow down on some frozen pizza without exposing your arms and upper body to the winter chill.
The commercial goes on to show people wearing their Snuggies at outdoor sporting events as well. I imagine they would probably work equally well when you are out fishing too. In fact I'm sure it won't be long before we see fishermen sitting in their boats or lining the shore wearing their bright blue, maroon or sage green fleece wraps. "Fishin' In Style" they could call it, and maybe they could have a special built-in pouch to keep your worms warm too. Just a thought.
For the last couple of years we have all bore witness to the kitschy retail phenomenon that is the Snuggie as tens of millions of them, as well as a plethora of Snuggie knock-offs such as the "Slanket," the "Snuggler," "the Snug-Mee" and many others, became the hottest ticket on many a Christmas wish list. Many stores were quickly sold-out as the supply, especially for the most popular colors, simply couldn't out pace the demand.
I was personally perplexed by this. My first impression of the Snuggie was that it looked like a long bathrobe that was worn backwards. Or that people who wore them resembled those cult followers that patiently waited for their spaceship to come riding in on some comet so that they could drink their Kool-Aid and escape to the next level. In short, I was not partial to this thing, but especially after being forced to watch endless "Sham-Wow" style commercials that insulted my intelligence.
But despite my initial bias against the Snuggie, I eventually came to see that there was definitely a huge market for these things and since not everyone could be an imbecile (could they?) it must have some merit to it after all. In fact, it was not long before I figured that it would probably make a good gift for my wife, who is always complaining of being cold when it's warm out. And what makes more sense, turning up the thermostat on someone who is already warm or wrapping the cold person in an envelope of warm fleece? I was also intrigued to see that Snuggie had also come out with versions for children and dogs. And any company that liked dogs can't be all bad.
But the number one reason that I feel like Snuggies are a worthy and practical gift this year is...because that's what we gave out for Christmas presents this year. Yes, it's true. My wife is really great at sewing and embroidery and friends and family members are often the lucky recipients of some of her skillful works. Last year for Christmas she made twenty wonderful, embroidered blankets and a fancy quilt for my mother. This year for Thanksgiving she did personalized napkins, tablecloths, place mats, seat cushions and other stuff. For her office Christmas party she volunteered to make elf costumes for twenty co-workers and managers.
This year for Christmas she decided to make Snuggies for our friends and family. I am proud to say that they were all very well received. And for my Trekkie brothers, a special embellishment seemed appropriate. My apologies in advance to the late Gene Roddenberry, creator of Star Trek:
My brothers Steve and Rob (Kirk and Spock)
So what's next for the Snuggie? Well, there has sprung up somewhat of a cult following behind this product and with the momentum it's generating I doubt that there's much out there that at least won't be touched by the Snuggie success.
In addition to the evolving role in fashion that Snuggies will no doubt be apart of, I see there's now a new social network to rival Facebook called SnuggieBook.com, the Social Network with Sleeves! And the inescapable combination of Snuggies and sex has led to a website called the Snuggie Sutra, the Kama Sutra of Snuggies. Can a Snuggies breakfast cereal or snack cracker be far behind?
To tell the truth about there's only a few suggestions I have that I feel that the Snuggie people could do to win over a broader demographic. They include:
1. Add pockets so people have a place to put their smokes, their can of chewing tobacco or jerky treats.
2. Instead of including a free book light with each order, how about offering a free Bumpit for the women and a free bottle opener for the guys?
3. I think that the traditional cap and gown worn at graduation ceremonies would be better if the gown part was replaced with a Snuggie. I don't know about you, but what do you do with the gown afterwards? It just makes more sense, particularly for outdoor ceremonies.
4. Maybe a zippered front so that the women who might want to expose some cleavage have the ability to do so if they feel like it. Because, um...it can get hot in there and it would be good to get some, um... air circulation in that area.
5. How about putting a hoodee-style head covering on the Snuggies so that those people who enjoy Snuggie pub crawls don't catch a cold from constantly going in and out of bars at night.
Those are just a few suggestions. I invite you to come up with some of your own that might fit your particular requirements and post them in my comments section. Until later then, I leave you with a very funny Snuggie parody commercial. Stay warm and comfy out there in the blogosphere.
And for those of you that like to wander around naked sometimes, don't forget that the Snuggie is worn with the opening on the back, not the front.
You can't fool us.