Name That Baby!

 

With the recent wonderful announcement that my daughter, Lissa, is expecting her first child, one of the discussions we shared focused on what to name the baby.  Her husband, Jon, tends to favor more conventional names like Mark, Bill, Scott, Ron, etc., while Lissa is thinking along the lines of something more unique, unusual and creative.  

Her one requirement is that whatever name is chosen, it must have a cool nickname.  While the gender of the little tax deduction is yet unknown at the time of this writing, I thought that it was never too early to start pitching some ideas for her consideration. 

First, let me say that I don’t feel that the baby should necessarily share the name of a grandparent or other family member.  I know a lot of families do this, but to me it smacks of egotism a little bit.  To those who point out that my son Bryan’s middle name is Thomas, let me respond by saying that I am, ever-so-slightly, a self-absorbed egotist.

(I’ll pause here for a moment to let some of you digest that uncanny revelation.)

I also want to go on record as saying that naming the child, and every consecutive child, with the same first letter of the last name like a certain well-known Armenian family is not part of my thought process.  I believe we should entertain names from all the letters of the alphabet and not just the letter B in this case.  That said, I do like a lot of B names like Bradley and Brodee.

While I am fully on board with naming a child something unique, there are limits to how creative parents should be.  Consider that the wrong name could lead to a lifetime of abuse and ridicule for the poor child.  I think back to the story of the young pregnant woman who was in a hospital and heard a name that she thought was beautiful and wanted to use it for her baby daughter.  

Fortunately, the nurses convinced her that there were better choices out there than to name her child Chlamydia.  Unless your child is destined to play in the NFL (i.e., Kadarius Toney, Equanimeous St. Brown, Zonovan Knight, etc.,) I would pump the brakes on too weird a name.  Weird, I know, is a relative concept, and what’s normal for some is just freaking bizarre for others.

Lissa lives in the shadow of Hollywood in the Los Angeles area, home to celebrities and a rather unique mix of wealthy and elite characters and personalities, where naming children odd and unusual names has become something of a tradition.  Some scoffed when Gwyneth Paltrow named her child Apple, but I thought it was cute and inventive.  Beyonce naming her daughter Blue Ivy is exactly the creative spin you would expect from her and Jay-Z. 

Likewise, when Paris Hilton stuck with the city-theme for her newborn son, Phoenix, or when Nick Cannon (who has a virtual army of weirdly named kids) named his latest son Zillion Heir Cannon, I respected their fresh and imaginative choices. 

So where does one draw the line, then? Magician Penn Jillette’s kids are named Zolten and Moxie CrimeFighter.  Erykah Badu named her children Seven, Puma, and Mars.  John Mellencamp’s son is Speck Wildhorse while Jason Lee’s son is Pilot Inspektor.  Frank Zappa named his kids Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet, and Diva Muffin. Kim Kardashian’s kids are named North, Saint, Chicago, and Psalm. In fact, if you are a child and your mother is a Kardashian, chances are very good you are going to have a weird first name.  

Don’t even get me started on Elon Musk and his weird brood.  Obviously, the list goes on and on with many celebrities creating outlandish names for their children to get more attention for themselves and for their brand.  For me, it’s all a bit much, and I feel sorry for the kids.  For them it’s like going to their first day of school with the name Punchmyface Buttmuncher.  It doesn’t end well.

As usual, I digress.

Baby name books are a great resource as are all the related articles on the internet, but sometimes you just must go with your gut and come up with names that feel right no matter their popularity or appropriateness.  Searching my soul for inspiration, words suddenly came to me out of the ether that I thought might be good options for a baby’s name like Argyle, Rutabaga, Flapjack, Bumper, and Nimbus.  I realized, however, that they didn’t have much nickname potential and would instead have to be relegated to the list of potential middle names.

Since nicknames were an important part of the selective process, I decided to focus on them and work backwards to a name.  A few that stuck out to me included Kit, Jack, Nash, Mac, Ace, Dax, Sam, Ash, Bobby, Buster, Buzz, Chad, Duke, Flip, Whit, Kip and Wyn.  You’ll notice that these are boy’s names primarily, and that’s because I am one of 5 boys in my family, and in both Jon’s and Lissa’s families the boys are the predominant gender, so I expect this next generation will similarly lean that way as well.  

I would be tickled to death if she had a girl though!  If we find out that she is expecting a girl, I will have to do a revised post with my suggestions for girl's names. Some names are gender neutral like Chris, Kelly, Alex, Tracy, or Dylan.  I like names like that because they have a certain fluidity lacking in names like Phil, Frank, and George.

Kit and Kip are cool nicknames.  Kit is a diminutive of both Katherine and Christopher. Kip doesn’t have a longer name but sounds hip and maybe a bit preppy.  He could grow up and be a complete jerk, but maybe not.  It’s just a chance you must take. Whit is short for Whitney or Whitaker but sounds cool just by itself.  As the kid will undoubtedly be hilarious, it will definitely be a fitting name.  

I like the names Nash and Mac a lot.  Not only are there historical and social references to the names, but they are also just cool to say.  Mac or Mack is a short form of McCoy or McAllister.  Your choice: Nash Bridges or MacGyver?  If only I had a paper clip, box of matches, toenail clipper, rubber band, and a can of hairspray I could figure this out.

Jack is a cool nickname. So many great people share that name from Jack Kennedy, Jack Benny, Jack Nicholson, Jack Kerouac, and Jack Nicklaus to name just a few.  Short for John, it’s a long-shot, I know, but still, it’s a good one.  Play it again, Sam!  Short for Samuel or Samantha, it’s a cool name as well…almost bewitching even. 

Ace is a cool name which conjures up memories of a rock guitarist for the band KISS, crack fighter pilots, tennis players, golfers, and one well-known pet detective.  Alrighty then!  Flip and Dax are interesting nicknames and would sound great as being part of some snooty fraternity, but then they could also be funny and sensitive guys too.  Dax has a kind of futuristic vibe to it.  Flip is the short form of Philip or Felipe, which means lover of horses.  Anyone who loves horses can’t be bad!

Ash has become a popular name in recent years as the lead character in the Pokémon cartoons.  Short for Ashton or Asher, it can be either a boy's or girl's name. Buzz and Buster are old fashioned nicknames reminiscent of bad guys in the movies (similar to Bif, Lex, or Zeke) that still sound like fun names. Chad and Duke are strong, masculine names that have been popular nicknames forever.  

Chad means “battle warrior,” but is probably more likely to be battling waves on a surfboard in Southern California than anything else.  Duke means a “British nobleman,” but surprisingly it is used by both genders.  Both?  Don’t tell that to John Wayne.  Yikes!

So, Lissa, those are my thoughts about what to name your bouncing baby boy come September!  If you discover that your baby will wear pink instead, you can totally disregard this post and another one will follow with some baby girl name suggestions! 

You can always save the boy names for the next baby!