Name That Baby, Part 2!

Well, I guessed wrong, guys!  

When my daughter Lissa announced a few weeks ago that she was expecting a child in September, like many others, I assumed that it would be a boy thanks to both mine and her husband Jon’s family history of predominantly male offspring.  

So, to be helpful, I wrote an article for my blog proposing several potential boy names that I liked for their consideration. She had her gender reveal shortly thereafter, and I’m delighted to share with the whole blogiverse that she is expecting a baby girl! 

To add to that excitement, my other daughter, Shannon, who just gave birth to her first child (a gorgeous little girl named Ann Marie) last October, is expecting baby #2 a month later in October.  Fortunately, she is pretty sure what her baby’s name will be already.

(Must be something in the water there in SoCal!)

While Lissa does have a tentative first name selected already, she and Jon still haven’t quite finalized their decision yet.  She teased us with a clue saying it was sort of an homage to my mother, her grandma, Sally.  

Later, after numerous bad guesses, she revealed that the name they both agreed on was “Rosalie,” which sounds a little like “Ro-Sally.”  My wife and I both agree that it is a cute name.  As far as middle names go, the field is still wide open. 

Again, that’s my cue to provide yet more unsolicited name suggestions.  (I know what you’re thinking, and it’s true, I am a crazy awesome granddad.) 

These days, nothing is off the table when it comes to baby names.  While types of flowers like Violet and Rose have long been the source of names, now babies are being named after trees, fruit, mountains, streams, and all things nature.  

Types of food (Candy, Cookie, Pork Chop, Goober) are another subject ripe with potential baby names.  Likewise, we see children named after places, gemstones and jewels, weather (i.e., Stormy), animals, days of the week, and anything else young minds can think up.

The problem is, of course, that young minds can be quite creative, and the consequences of their poor judgement can be dire. An awful name can tag the unfortunate child for ridicule and handicap them socially for a lifetime. They must choose wisely when selecting names for their offspring.  

Examples of names gone horribly wrong include: “Sex Fruit,” “Number 16 Bus Shelter,” “Gay Rape,” “Keenan Got Lucy,” “Tallulah Does the Hula from Hawaii,” “Violence,” and “Yeah Detroit.” 

In looking at possible girl names, I again searched my soul and called upon the mystical powers that be to provide some divine inspiration.  Words that might possibly be considered names, in an unconventional sense, anyway, such as “collywobbles,” “yitten,” “bunghole,” “pronk,” “bumfuzzle,” and “skirl,” flooded into my mind.  

Personally, of the six, I don’t think “pronk” is an appropriate girl’s name, but I don’t want to judge.  Who am I to argue with the powers that be?  Lissa’s requirement for a name still stands that it must have a cool, potential nickname. (That alone would probably disqualify “Pronk.”  The other five might prove difficult as well in that regard.)

That in mind, here are ten (better!) potential first and middle names and nicknames befitting up-and-coming little princesses.  They include:

1.       Ginger – This was the name of my neighbor’s dog, but that shouldn’t necessarily disqualify it.  It does have a cute nickname of Ginny.

2.       Primrose – A name stolen from The Hunger Games, I like the shortened version, Prim.

3.       Cassidy – A popular name with a popular nickname, Cassie, as well.

4.       Winona – Native American meaning “first-born daughter.”  Winnie or Nonnie are cute nicknames!

5.       Adeline – A cute name with a matching cute Addie nickname.

6.       Emersyn – A unique twist on the spelling makes it cool, and it has a cute nickname of Emmy.

7.       Kiana – Meaning “divine” in Hawaiian, it has a fun nickname of KiKi.

8.       Cora – A cute and already short name, but with nicknames like Coco and Cory.

9.       Delaney – An Irish name that can be shortened to Laney or Lane.

A        Alexis - I always liked this one, and it can be shortened to Lexis, Lexi, Lex, Alex, and Allie.

There were several honorable mentions that were highly considered, but ultimately these names failed to make the final cut. They included Colbie, Schuyler, Blake, Coral, Lyric, Aubrey, Zena, Ireland, Hunter, Dakota (j/k), Quinn, Piper, Margot, Harmony, Sawyer, Fallon, Blythe, Toby, and Whitley.  Unfortunately, they failed the smell test for cool nicknames or were otherwise deemed problematic. 

Middle names are not quite as critical as first names, but regardless, decisions still must be made about them.  The good thing about them is that they can be as creative as you want since most people’s middle names remain generally anonymous. That means that if you want to give your child an unusual or weird name, this is your opportunity!  

You don’t have to go along with the usual suspects, such as Elizabeth, Jane, Anne, Marie, Rose, Catherine, Lynn, or Nicole.  Those are fine, of course, but compared to names like Nutella, Hashtag, Covid, Doorman, or Tarantula, they lack that quirky pizzazz.

I’m sure whatever baby name Jon and Lissa decide on, it will be a very clever, unique, and wonderful name that, like the baby herself, we will all grow to love.  It will be a name that will be undoubtedly embroidered, cut into shapes, foil stamped, embossed, engraved, and otherwise crafted hundreds of times…and that’s just during her first year!  

We’re so very excited for these two incredible people and the amazing journey they’ve begun and look forward to being a small part of it.

You never know when you are going to be crapped on or when you're gonna get a big smile, or when that smile immediately turns into hysterics.  It might be like living with a drug addict.

- Blake Lively

Name That Baby!

 

With the recent wonderful announcement that my daughter, Lissa, is expecting her first child, one of the discussions we shared focused on what to name the baby.  Her husband, Jon, tends to favor more conventional names like Mark, Bill, Scott, Ron, etc., while Lissa is thinking along the lines of something more unique, unusual and creative.  

Her one requirement is that whatever name is chosen, it must have a cool nickname.  While the gender of the little tax deduction is yet unknown at the time of this writing, I thought that it was never too early to start pitching some ideas for her consideration. 

First, let me say that I don’t feel that the baby should necessarily share the name of a grandparent or other family member.  I know a lot of families do this, but to me it smacks of egotism a little bit.  To those who point out that my son Bryan’s middle name is Thomas, let me respond by saying that I am, ever-so-slightly, a self-absorbed egotist.

(I’ll pause here for a moment to let some of you digest that uncanny revelation.)

I also want to go on record as saying that naming the child, and every consecutive child, with the same first letter of the last name like a certain well-known Armenian family is not part of my thought process.  I believe we should entertain names from all the letters of the alphabet and not just the letter B in this case.  That said, I do like a lot of B names like Bradley and Brodee.

While I am fully on board with naming a child something unique, there are limits to how creative parents should be.  Consider that the wrong name could lead to a lifetime of abuse and ridicule for the poor child.  I think back to the story of the young pregnant woman who was in a hospital and heard a name that she thought was beautiful and wanted to use it for her baby daughter.  

Fortunately, the nurses convinced her that there were better choices out there than to name her child Chlamydia.  Unless your child is destined to play in the NFL (i.e., Kadarius Toney, Equanimeous St. Brown, Zonovan Knight, etc.,) I would pump the brakes on too weird a name.  Weird, I know, is a relative concept, and what’s normal for some is just freaking bizarre for others.

Lissa lives in the shadow of Hollywood in the Los Angeles area, home to celebrities and a rather unique mix of wealthy and elite characters and personalities, where naming children odd and unusual names has become something of a tradition.  Some scoffed when Gwyneth Paltrow named her child Apple, but I thought it was cute and inventive.  Beyonce naming her daughter Blue Ivy is exactly the creative spin you would expect from her and Jay-Z. 

Likewise, when Paris Hilton stuck with the city-theme for her newborn son, Phoenix, or when Nick Cannon (who has a virtual army of weirdly named kids) named his latest son Zillion Heir Cannon, I respected their fresh and imaginative choices. 

So where does one draw the line, then? Magician Penn Jillette’s kids are named Zolten and Moxie CrimeFighter.  Erykah Badu named her children Seven, Puma, and Mars.  John Mellencamp’s son is Speck Wildhorse while Jason Lee’s son is Pilot Inspektor.  Frank Zappa named his kids Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet, and Diva Muffin. Kim Kardashian’s kids are named North, Saint, Chicago, and Psalm. In fact, if you are a child and your mother is a Kardashian, chances are very good you are going to have a weird first name.  

Don’t even get me started on Elon Musk and his weird brood.  Obviously, the list goes on and on with many celebrities creating outlandish names for their children to get more attention for themselves and for their brand.  For me, it’s all a bit much, and I feel sorry for the kids.  For them it’s like going to their first day of school with the name Punchmyface Buttmuncher.  It doesn’t end well.

As usual, I digress.

Baby name books are a great resource as are all the related articles on the internet, but sometimes you just must go with your gut and come up with names that feel right no matter their popularity or appropriateness.  Searching my soul for inspiration, words suddenly came to me out of the ether that I thought might be good options for a baby’s name like Argyle, Rutabaga, Flapjack, Bumper, and Nimbus.  I realized, however, that they didn’t have much nickname potential and would instead have to be relegated to the list of potential middle names.

Since nicknames were an important part of the selective process, I decided to focus on them and work backwards to a name.  A few that stuck out to me included Kit, Jack, Nash, Mac, Ace, Dax, Sam, Ash, Bobby, Buster, Buzz, Chad, Duke, Flip, Whit, Kip and Wyn.  You’ll notice that these are boy’s names primarily, and that’s because I am one of 5 boys in my family, and in both Jon’s and Lissa’s families the boys are the predominant gender, so I expect this next generation will similarly lean that way as well.  

I would be tickled to death if she had a girl though!  If we find out that she is expecting a girl, I will have to do a revised post with my suggestions for girl's names. Some names are gender neutral like Chris, Kelly, Alex, Tracy, or Dylan.  I like names like that because they have a certain fluidity lacking in names like Phil, Frank, and George.

Kit and Kip are cool nicknames.  Kit is a diminutive of both Katherine and Christopher. Kip doesn’t have a longer name but sounds hip and maybe a bit preppy.  He could grow up and be a complete jerk, but maybe not.  It’s just a chance you must take. Whit is short for Whitney or Whitaker but sounds cool just by itself.  As the kid will undoubtedly be hilarious, it will definitely be a fitting name.  

I like the names Nash and Mac a lot.  Not only are there historical and social references to the names, but they are also just cool to say.  Mac or Mack is a short form of McCoy or McAllister.  Your choice: Nash Bridges or MacGyver?  If only I had a paper clip, box of matches, toenail clipper, rubber band, and a can of hairspray I could figure this out.

Jack is a cool nickname. So many great people share that name from Jack Kennedy, Jack Benny, Jack Nicholson, Jack Kerouac, and Jack Nicklaus to name just a few.  Short for John, it’s a long-shot, I know, but still, it’s a good one.  Play it again, Sam!  Short for Samuel or Samantha, it’s a cool name as well…almost bewitching even. 

Ace is a cool name which conjures up memories of a rock guitarist for the band KISS, crack fighter pilots, tennis players, golfers, and one well-known pet detective.  Alrighty then!  Flip and Dax are interesting nicknames and would sound great as being part of some snooty fraternity, but then they could also be funny and sensitive guys too.  Dax has a kind of futuristic vibe to it.  Flip is the short form of Philip or Felipe, which means lover of horses.  Anyone who loves horses can’t be bad!

Ash has become a popular name in recent years as the lead character in the Pokémon cartoons.  Short for Ashton or Asher, it can be either a boy's or girl's name. Buzz and Buster are old fashioned nicknames reminiscent of bad guys in the movies (similar to Bif, Lex, or Zeke) that still sound like fun names. Chad and Duke are strong, masculine names that have been popular nicknames forever.  

Chad means “battle warrior,” but is probably more likely to be battling waves on a surfboard in Southern California than anything else.  Duke means a “British nobleman,” but surprisingly it is used by both genders.  Both?  Don’t tell that to John Wayne.  Yikes!

So, Lissa, those are my thoughts about what to name your bouncing baby boy come September!  If you discover that your baby will wear pink instead, you can totally disregard this post and another one will follow with some baby girl name suggestions! 

You can always save the boy names for the next baby!