Sunday, September 25, 2011

Mad About Professionals

Jenny Matlock

Here is my week #73 entry for Saturday Centus, that crazy fun writing meme hosted by Jenny Matlock of her blog, off on my tangent.  Once again I am a little tardy.  I prefer to think of it as fashionably late.

 In Jenny's continuing efforts to sharpen our writing skills (like last week's masterful 32 word song lyric challenge to the tune of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star") our visionary leader has once again reached into her inventive bag of tricks to pull out another creative exercise to challenge her many Centusian followers.

This week's assignment is all about dialogue and only dialogue.  Our stories can use up to 150 of our own words and this weeks supplied prompt words which are "Are you seriously ordering another martini?" for a total of 156 words.  The other rules are no pictures, vulgarity of splitting the prompt.

This week's chatty entry is entitled:

Mad About Professionals

“I hate these airport bars.  Bartender, another martini please!  Look at these professionals with their suits and briefcases scurrying around the country like rats chasing cheese.  They disgust me.”

“Now Ron, there’s no reason to condemn them.  They are just trying to earn a living."

“No, you're wrong.  They are lousy, money-grubbing, narcissistic, pretentious, paper shufflers!  They make me sick, Dave.”

 “Settle down, Ron.  That’s just the alcohol talking.  Not everyone is just focused on wealth and power.  There are some good people too."

“Save it, Dave.  You don’t know how much it pains me to have to smile and be cordial to these cretins.  Bartender, another martini here…and don’t skimp on the olives this time!"

"Are you seriously ordering another martini?"

“Why not?  Lots of people have a few drinks to relax before they take a flight.”

“That’s true.  But you’re not a passenger.  You’re the pilot.”

Jenny Matlock

On a Continental flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."


Sunday, September 18, 2011

For My Wife, A Saturday Centus


Jenny Matlock

I'm back again to participate in Jenny Matlock's fun and challenging writing meme, Saturday Centus!  For week #72, our wonderful Miss Jenny has really raised the bar by assigning us a very challenging and unique task.  We are charged with creating a song lyric to the tune of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" using the prompt "In the Autumn."  

Oh but wait, there's more!  We have to write this week's rhyming lyrical Centus using no more than 32 words total including the prompt!  Yes, not even the usual 100 words!  That Jenny is an evil genius!  How does she come up with these awesome challenges?   What fun!

Make sure and stop by Jenny's blog, "off on my tangent" to read all the other entries this week and share some bloggy love!   And speaking of love I have dedicated this week's post to my sweet wife, Teresa.  I have entitled this week's post:

For My Wife

In the Autumn of my life,

Glad you are my darling wife.

You indulge my silly ways

Like it was a childish phase.

Happy, laughing all the time

Loving you is so sublime.

*And don't think that I am fishing for some token of appreciation from my wife for writing this in her honor.  That would be just crass.  However if you would like to offer her any suggestions on how I should be rewarded, feel free to do so below.  -- TG

Jenny Matlock

"No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying."

-  Unknown


Monday, September 12, 2011

A Celestial Message, A Saturday Centus

Jenny Matlock

It’s time for another submission to Monday Saturday Centus!  This is week 71 of this delightfully challenging literary meme hosted by that tremendously talented and whimsical blogger extraordinaire, Jenny Matlock, of her blog off on my tangent.  I’m a little late, but I have an excuse from my mom, so it’s okay.  See….

”Please excuse Tom for being late with his Centus.  He’s a bit of a nincompoop. 


                                                       Tom’s Mom”

Actually, this week I churned out my usual flippant Centus piece but had second thoughts about posting it given the somber proceedings taking place across the country in recognition of the tenth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks.  So I went back to the drawing board (which looks surprisingly like a laptop) and wrote something a bit more serious to show respect for those lost and the loved ones they left behind.

Don’t worry though.  I’m sure next week I will be back to writing the dopey, silly, wacky ramblings of a depraved mind that is my typical fashion.

For those of you new to Saturday Centus, where the hell ya’ been?  The rules to this meme are simple and few.  Jenny gives us a short phrase or prompt which we have to incorporate just as it is written in a story or poem.  The challenge is that we only have (usually) 100 words plus the prompt with which to complete the assignment.   

One hundred words is not a lot of words to develop a story, which is why word choice becomes so important and why we have to tearfully edit our stories down like good little Centusians to hit the proper word count.  The other rules include no vulgarity and no pictures unless permission is granted by Jenny to include one.  Did I leave anything out, Centusians?

If you haven’t tried writing one of these yet you need to!  It will change your life forever and invariably lead to world peace and universal harmony.  If you don’t…well, we’ll just have to find you wherever you are hiding and beat you to a bloody pulp give you a very stern look of disappointment.  Be warned!

This week’s prompt is “Mother may I,” an interesting jumping off point for any writing project to be sure.  Please click on Jenny’s button and read all the other entries this week to see where this week’s crop of writers took the prompt!  We have a lot of really creative folks each and every week and you will undoubtedly enjoy the literary journeys they take you on!

Here is my submission for this week’s Saturday Centus.  Once again I’m having a go at writing in verse.  I have entitled it:

A Celestial Message

Mother may I chat with thee?

Through this dream I set you free.

It’s been ten years since that fateful day

when thousands of lives were snatched away.

Horror filled the airways then,

while our nation did cry and moan.

Such cowardly acts by evil men,

villains with hearts of stone.

From afar I’ve felt your fears.

Let this news now soothe your soul

The time has come to dry your tears.

Your appointed guardian is my role

Smile and know I’m with you now

until your days are done.

Peace and joy I bring to you

for I am your angel son.

Jenny Matlock

"Even the smallest act of service, the simplest act of kindness, is a way to honor those we lost, a way to reclaim that spirit of unity that followed 9/11.” 

- President Barack Obama


Saturday, September 3, 2011

The Right Kind of Pizza, A Saturday Centus


Jenny Matlock

It's Saturday which means it is Centus time!  This is that one time of the week when I stretch my writing muscles and attempt to write some micro-fiction based upon a supplied prompt from Jenny Matlock, our Centusian spiritual leader and the host of her blog, off on my tangent.

For week 70 Jenny has given us the prompt "what kind of pizza is this" and directed us to write a story or poem using 100 words or less plus the prompt words.  No vulgarity and no splitting the prompt is allowed, but pictures are okay this week.   I went a little over on the word count, but it's only because I love pizza and  my words fell like toppings from that great big Domino's Pizza in the sky and it seemed almost sacrilegious to slice them away.

Yeah, I didn't think you would buy that one either.

Speaking of cutting things, my story takes on a more political bent this week as I try to mentally grapple with the batcrap crazy Republican sideshow that is playing out in the media each day.  In a way, then, this story is a form of therapy for me as it allows me to vent my frustration with the right-wing wackos and what the media calls their "low information" base (code word for ignorant hicks).

The setup for this story is an interview with a pizza restaurant owner who delivers to Capitol Hill lawmakers during those important late-night sessions where the most critically important issues facing our country are discussed, debated and voted on such as naming post offices and courthouses, a resolution commending the University of Georgia gymnastics team for winning a championship, and most importantly, a resolution proclaiming a National Corvette Day.  Ah, it just makes you proud to be an American, doesn't it?

Here is my contribution for this week.  I have entitled it:

The Right Kind of Pizza

“Making pizzas for Washington D.C. lawmakers is hard.  Their tastes, like their politics, run to the extreme.  We've named a few pizzas after them to simplify their orders.

Our Michelle Bachmann pizza uses only all-white cheeses on a cracker-thin crust topped with olives (not black olives!) and pine nuts.

The Ron Paul pizza is just a crust.  You add your own toppings at home like our Founding Fathers would have done.

The Rick Perry pizza has one giant meatball on a thin crust with lots of fake cheese."

“So what kind of pizza is this?” 

“Oh, yeah that’s the GOP Pizza named for its green peppers, onions and pepperoni.  It’s only half-baked, heavy with oil, very cheesy, and smells like crap.”

Jenny Matlock

For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza! 
                                                                                                      --- Jay Leno


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