The Letter, A Saturday Centus

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It's Saturday and I'm ready with my contribution for week 60 of Saturday Centus!  Somebody pinch me because I think I'm dreaming! For once I'm not tardy to the party.

This week our beloved host Jenny Matlock from her blog, off on my tangent, has given us another interesting and challenging assignment. Instead of the normal 100 word limit for our short stories and poems, this week in honor of the 60th week of Saturday Centus we have a mere 60 words to work with.

I love these short, short writing assignments!  They are so quick and easy and perfect for a busy Saturday morning.  If that weren't enough, the prompt we were given to work with this week is "Dear John."   What fun!  

I've never personally received a "Dear John" letter, but imagine that it can carry with it a great deal of grief and sadness for the recipient (John).  This is why I tried to write one as any loving girlfriend might to her boyfriend to let him know (with all the sensitivity and understanding that could be squeezed into 60 words) that their long relationship was now over.   

Total FAIL.  

Maybe I should leave the sensitive, touchy-feely stuff to someone more suited, such as our perpetually weepy House Speaker John Boehner.

Here is my contribution this week.  I have entitled it:

The Letter

Dear John,

I’m leaving you.

I know we said we’d be together forever, but while you’ve been away in Iraq I’ve been seeing your best friend, Matt. 

The truth is that Matt is smarter, better looking and will go far in life. 

Plus, he will give me beautiful children. 

I hope we can all still be friends.

Donna

There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that.
~ Steve Martin

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All Sales Are Final, A Saturday Centus

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Welcome one and all to Sophisticated Lunacy, the blog that gives you last week's blog post today!  Okay, well not exactly.  But as usual I'm running behind because it has been a terribly busy week!  In a good way this time!  So let me squeeze in week 59 of Saturday Centus the day before week 60 Saturday Centus is posted by the blogger meme queen herself, Ms. Jenny Matlock at her blog, off on my tangent.

The Saturday Centus, for the benefit of those who recently joined the 21st century, is a creative writing meme where we are given a prompt, usually a short phrase and sometimes a picture, and we are invited to write a short story or poem using only an additional 100 words.  This week's prompt comes to us courtesy of Jeff from his blog Tennessee Mudbug.  The prompt he has given us this week is "within the stone."  Thank you Jeff!

Here is my weird take on the prompt this week.  I have entitled my short piece:

All Sales Are Final

“I want that!”

The item description on EBay referred to it as a small, carved stone sarcophagus of indeterminate origin and age.

For a collector like Bryan Thomas, an aficionado of the macabre, he couldn’t pass it up.

When it finally arrived a few days later he was delighted to find that within the stone coffin there was a small mummy. 

“Obviously this isn’t real.  It’s too small to be human.”

The piece took its honored place on his coffee table. 

Until days later when the cat went missing and there were small, bloody footsteps leading back to the sarcophagus….

"Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy.

Forget it, little friend."

-- Jack Handy

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Behind The Wall, A Saturday Centus

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Hey my peeps!  Thought I would sneak a last-minute story in before the deadline for week 58 of Saturday Centus.  You know Saturday Centus, that fun-filled literary meme where most people write and post their stories on Saturday instead of the following Friday?   What can I say, I'm an underachiever!  


Hosted by that incomparable wit, Ms. Jenny Matlock, at her blog off on my tangent, the Saturday Centus is a weekly writing exercise where Ms. Jenny supplies us with a prompt and we have 100 words to create something clever and interesting from it.  


This week, with the assistance of Miss Nonna Beach of Tasty Tales, Jenny has given us an additional 100 words to work with, thus sparing countless babies in the process.  The prompt for this week is "the wall was built long ago." Thanks Nonna for the cool prompt!  Here is my last-minute take on the prompt.  I have entitiled it:

Behind The Wall

The wall was built long ago.

For thousands of years it stood silently, a stone sentinel protecting their town from an evil whose face was long-since forgotten.   Horrific stories of plagues, madness and suffering on an epic scale on the other side of the wall had been passed down from one generation to another frightening the townsfolk and stifling thoughts of venturing beyond its boundaries.

But no one really knew the truth about the wall, who built it, or why.

It wouldn’t have mattered anyway.  With such short arms and legs it was impossible to climb over, even with help, let alone climb back over alone.  So life simply went on as it had since those dark times when the wall was built. 

Like packs of wild animals, their hunger pushed them into the streets each night in pursuit of food.  Descending upon a young family, a fierce struggle ensued with fangs and claws tearing away at flesh.  Outnumbered, the couple and their children were slaughtered and served as the evening meal.  Killing and eating each other was just a part of everyday existence there in Fukushima City. 

You see, the wall was built long ago.  But it was built to keep them in.

Never underestimate the power 

of stupid people in large groups.

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The Rapture, A Saturday Centus

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Welcome to my contribution to week 57 of Saturday Centus, a fun and challenging writing meme hosted by that darling of Arizona’s high-society (yes, there is one) and everyone’s favorite literary blogosopher (which is not a real word yet, but should be by next week), Jenny Matlock!   

Each Saturday her legion of Centusian followers makes the cyber-trek to her blog, off on my tangent, to receive their instructions for the week’s writing exercise.  On a typical Saturday we will be given a prompt, generally a short phrase but occasionally she’ll use a photo, and we are tasked with writing a short story or poem using said prompt and only 100 words.

Well, this isn’t your typical Saturday here in Centusland! 

In what could aptly be described as a Saturday Quarter-Centus, Miss Jenny has challenged us to complete this week’s assignment using only 25 words and the prompt, “the end.”  The other rules of Centus forbid the use of vulgarity and photos or illustrations as well as the altering of the prompt. 

Now I know that 25 words doesn’t sound like a lot when it comes to writing a story, nor 27 words for that matter, but these are not your typical writers you’ve got here.  Centusians are highly-skilled wordsmiths who have honed their skills in ridiculously short story writing for over a year now, so click on the Saturday Centus button and check out their various takes on this week’s prompt.  You will be amazed what can come from 25 words and “the end.” 

Here is my submission for this week’s 25-word challenge.  I have entitled it:

The Rapture

Like a fool I gave it all away.

The end, they said, was nigh.

Pitied those left to stay

As heaven-ward I’d fly.

My poor, deluded soul.

Postscript

Rev. Harold Camping, the 89-year-old president of Family Radio, a 150-station Christian broadcasting network and the originator of the May 21^st rapture claim, has now reinterpreted his prophecy to say that May 21^st was a “spiritual” judgment day and that the world will still come to an end on October 21, 2011.  The millionaire broadcasting mogul told the press that his company would not return money donated by followers to publicize the failed May 21^st prediction saying "We’re not at the end. Why would we return it?"

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Here's an interesting tidbit: a poll of Republican primary voters revealed that 65% of those who felt Sarah Palin would be raptured thought the rapture was coming on May 21.

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