Awesome Inventions For The Rest Of Us

Have you ever purchased one of those items you see advertised on television or on an infomercial and said to yourself, "Wow, now that's a great idea!  How could I have lived so long without this?"  I certainly have.  It may seem strange, but for some people living without their Snuggie or without The Clapper or (God forbid!) their Sham Wow, would be an empty existence indeed.  These products have helped shape and mold our society into what it is today.  But not all notable creations rise to the level of popularity of these famous As Seen On TV products.

Many incredible new inventions, in fact, seem to just appear into our collective consciousness without the kind of fanfare they deserve.  And that’s regrettable because so many of them show such promise of leading our society into a brighter future.  Instead the “experts” and scientific pundits of the world gush with praise over dumb stuff  like NASA’s Ares 1 rocket, the Kepler Space Telescope and the Large Hadron Collider.  What a waste of time.

Can anyone tell me how these inventions can help you in your everyday lives?  No one?  I thought so.  This is why I wanted to bring to your attention a couple inventions that may have escaped your notice with all the fuss being given to those other unimportant things.

I was watching television the other day when I saw a commercial for a new product that seems to me like a revolutionary engineering achievement.  The pure genius of it had me seriously wondering if this was that elusive proof that our world was being visited by extraterrestrials and that we were reverse-engineering their alien technology.  The product in question is called the Handy Caddy and if ever there was a benchmark moment in the evolution of our species, it was the development of this device.  

Isn’t it incredible?  Now we don’t have to risk serious injuries by struggling with heavy, awkward kitchen appliances!  Using the Handy Caddy, we can quickly and easily slide our blenders, coffee makers, knife blocks, toasters and other backbreakingly cumbersome countertop apparatus several inches forward for easy access.   Even children and the elderly can now make toast without the assistance of someone else!

Imagine making a pot of coffee without suffering the absolute agony of having to move the coffee pot closer to the edge of the counter all by yourself.   Never again will you have to bend over the counter, repeatedly banging your head violently against the cabinet as you try to wrestle with your appliances as if you were trying to land a marlin.  Just think of how many lives this product will save!   Think how this will ease overcrowding in the hospital emergency rooms!

Harmless kitchen counter or horrifyingly evil death trap?

Those of you who have always suspected that the ancient builders of the pyramids must have had assistance from some advanced race are now pointing at this product as evidence of some alien space-saving countertop technology in action.   Who am I to disagree?  Clearly the design of this product goes beyond any human understanding.

But wait, there's more!

The Handy Caddy isn’t the only product that has come along recently to make all of our lives easier and save us oodles of time.  Ladies and gentlemen, I present for your approval one of the most ingenious kitchen tools to come along since the invention of the waffle iron, the EZ Cracker egg cracker and separator!  

We all know breaking eggs is a very dirty proposition.  Whether you break them in your mouth and try to spit the egg into a frying pan without the jagged pieces of shell, or if you smash them against a wall and sop up the gooey parts, it's just gross and so time consuming.  But not anymore!

Check out how this tool quickly and cleanly breaks open eggs without the mess and the clean up time normally involved with using a claw hammer, crow bar, shovel or other such egg cracking implement:

If you are like me and struggle with cracking open eggs without having the yolks and pieces of shell end up all over the stove top, counter,  floor, walls, ceiling and all over your clothes, this product is a godsend. With the EZ Cracker, if I want to make a two-egg omelet all I need is two eggs.  I don't need to use a dozen eggs and a sponge to get the required amount of egg yolk material.  And what's better, I don't have to worry about ingesting razor sharp egg shells with my food and having to contend with emergency surgery to stop the internal bleeding.  Such a time saver!

There you have it my friends!  It's nice to see that there are still people out there who are thinking of us, the poor, simple, slightly retarded American public, and that they have dedicated their lives to bringing us things that make our lives so much easier and which help us deal with our anxiety over not being able to do things that other, more intelligenter people can do.  Now I am just waiting for someone to come up with a product that wipes my ass and I will be completely set.