Sunday, September 26, 2010

Sometime In The Future, A Saturday Centus


Jenny Matlock

We’re back once again to bust out another heaping pile of delectable literary morsels with week 21 of that fabulous writing meme that all the cool kids around the world are flocking to in droves, Saturday Centus! 

And whom do we have to bow and give reverence to for bestowing upon us this blessed gift of Centushood?  Only that minister of mirth, that champion of chutzpa, that virtuoso of vivaciousness, that high muckety-muck of hilarity, that queen of quips, that wunderkind of witticisms - Jenny Matlock at her blog, off on my tangent!

I would have been more descriptive, but my thesaurus suddenly burst into flames.  Sorry.

So for those of you who haven’t been initiated into the Centushood let me briefly explain what this is about and where to send your monthly offering what the rules are.  This is a themed writing meme designed to help writers focus on making every word count without all the extraneous chatter that weighs down so many stories.  (I believe those at Simon & Schuster refer to it as “chopping your babies,” though I could be wrong about that.) 

With the Saturday Centus our contributors are allowed 100 (get it, Cent-us…100) words maximum to tell a story using a prompt supplied by Jenny, aka the Exalted One.  The prompt words do not count in the total word count. 

(Why yes, Jenny.  Eddie Haskell was my hero.  Why do you ask?)

As Jenny says, you cannot use pictures (even fuzzy bunnies or sad-eyed beagles) to illustrate your story, and the stories can be fact or fiction.  Also, the prompt must be left intact as written and not sliced and diced in your story.  The rules had also prohibited vulgarity, but if you feel strongly that a certain word or words are essential to your story, just send Jenny an email with the words you wish to use in the subject line of your email. 

Jenny will get back to you right away.

You have a whole week (which you can break up into about 15 words per day if you like) to link your work to the meme and can submit multiple stories if you are so inclined.  And after you have written your story, link it to Jenny’s meme post so that all of your fellow Centusians can have a chance to read your contribution and shrink in awe of your magnificent talent comment on it. 

This week is very special to me because I am the inspiration for this week’s prompt!  The intelligent, beautiful and extremely talented Jenny Matlock crafted this prompt in honor of my birthday this Wednesday. 

While I am grateful beyond words for such an honor, I feel it’s only fair to recognize my mother and father (allegedly) whose efforts some 48 years and approximately nine months ago made this day possible.  And while I refuse to visualize it, I thank each of them for their genetic contributions and that whole raising to adulthood thingy.  Thanks!

But most of all, thank you Jenny for the best birthday card I could ever dream of.  And thank you all my Centusian friends for your well wishes also!  You are such a great gang of people to pal around with each week.  And I don’t have to get a tattoo or shoot anyone!  Bonus!

Without further ado, I present this week’s prompt which is in honor of ME!  Quiet, humble, shy little ME!  ME!  ME!  ME!  As in not YOU!

He never dreamed when he blew out the candles on his cake...

Here is my contribution for this week’s Saturday Centus.  I have entitled it:

Sometime In The Future

It was Grandpa Tom’s 117th birthday party and everyone was there waving, smiling and chatting away with one another on the huge screen.  

Though science had finally conquered old age, the perception of crotchety old people persisted.  Relatives now interacted via pre-recorded videos and holographic images instead of visiting. 

As the family sang “Happy Birthday” one more time, Tom thought about this and lamented the lack of personal contact.

A holographic image of a cake appeared before him with candles aflame.

He never dreamed when he blew out the candles on his cake that he would break wind, but he did. 

He cackled with laughter since no one would ever know.

Jenny Matlock

You are only young once, 
but you can be immature for a lifetime.



  1. ha! I think someone needs a new Thesaurus for his birthday ~:> lol@all your descriptive words. Anyway I don't think I could survive in that future without personal contact but one good thing about it is ..... we would never know he farted , you're right about that :)

    Have a good one Tom ... now leave a comment :>

  2. Happy Birthday in advance Tom! No wonder your wit appeals to me. You and my husband have the same birthday. Now I'm afraid, very afraid, to keep coming back here for more.

  3. Your stories never fail to make my day. And your introductions are works of art in themselves. "Jenny will get back to you right away" had me howling. Are you trying to get the newbies in trouble? Happy Birthday Tom and I hope that you have a grand day! Kat

  4. Happy birthday, Tom! And I hope you don't fart when you blow out the candles on your cake!

  5. Brilliant, I love it! lol

    Have a very happy birthday.:-)

  6. One of your best I reckon!! All the best!

  7. Tom, this is so perfect, and clever, and hilarious. It's so YOU. Happy birthday, you silly, young, handsome devil!

  8. LOL!!! you are just soo funny, I hope you have a wonderful wonderful birthday :o)

  9. Oh! this one did it...i'm rolling on the floor!
    Too cute and funny.
    You genius you.

  10. OMG, LOL. I guess there is something to be said for future inventions. Good job.


  11. Happy Birthday!

    I loved the story although I hope our future really isn't that frigid.

  12. Happy birthay, you clever,clever man! What a great closing line. Before you blow out the candles on YOUR cake, take some Beano, please!

  13. Happy b-day!

    And "delectable literary morsels?" Although extremely delicious, they are known to cause flatulence!

    Might I suggest some Febreeze? hee hee Or you could regress to your teenhood and get a bottle of AXE, it's MOST fragrant. Ahem.

    You never cease to amaze me with your creativity. Can you give me some? hee hee

  14. Tom. Oh man. I don't know why laughing at your posts does not constitute aerobic exercise but it should! I would be a mere shadow of my normal zaftig self it did.

    'While I am grateful beyond words for such an honor, I feel it’s only fair to recognize my mother and father (allegedly) whose efforts some 48 years and approximately nine months ago made this day possible. And while I refuse to visualize it, I thank each of them for their genetic contributions and that whole raising to adulthood thingy.'

    Does it hurt your head to think of such witty remarks?

    I'm glad you're home for the weekend and I hope you're not getting too many blisters from unrequited yard work.

    I raise my tapioca shake to you in homage...

    Happy Birthday to you, Tom!

    I'm glad our paths have crossed.

  15. How dare you break wind before meeee! Hahahahaha that was hilarious. Hope you had a fun birthday! If I ever live to be 117 I'm going to wear my underwear outside of my clothes. Just because I can! Hee hee.~Ames

  16. Happy Birthday! All the best people are born in September as my birthday was on the 26th and my son's on the 24th. Of course, no one wrote a prompt inspired by me. (Sob!)

    But I kid. And I enjoyed your intro as much as your futuristic vision. Personally, if breaking wind can be contained to just the Wind Breakee, I will leap into the future with open arms.

  17. ...and I'm cackling with laughter at your story!!! I have a thing for gaseous subjects!! HA HA!! Love it!

  18. Hahaha! The ending was so unexpected but perfect and so you. I love thinking about how much technology is going to take over the future but never thought about the pluses like phantom farts.

    Just wait til Tom's 119th birthday, Smell-a-vision will have been invented and his cover will be blown.

    Happy Birthday!! Today!! Still made it in time.


  19. Tom Tom Tom, first of all, I did not need the visual of your conception either...but hey thanks anyway and it was kind of you to acknowledge your parents...We are grateful to them too!

    Now on to your 117th birthday ...of course gas was passed, what else is left at that age?

  20. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY FRIEND! And to honor your day yet again, I have in fact tagged you for another story which you only have to write One sentence!!!

  21. Happy Birthday, Dear Tom!

    Your imagination is out-stripped only by your ability to write the longest intros of any Centurian! Does that fertile brain of yours never sleep?

    The futuristic imagery is strong, but you know that. The gas-passage is hilarious, but you know that, too. Even at our ages, we still fall down laughing at bathroom humor. I have tears in my eyes.

    Thanks for another winner, Buddy..........cj


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